A person’s demeanor says a lot about them—we can even go as far as to determine what they were doing prior.
Maybe your boyfriend or husband came home late at night, looking like he ran a marathon, and that got your mind racing!
Your gut is telling you that he just came home after an affair session; before speculating, I suggest seeing if he’s showing more signs of cheating.
Remember that one or two occasional oddities don’t automatically mean he’s cheating! However, a combination of these signs might very well verify it!
Fresh out of an affair: what are the signs of a partner who just slept with someone else?
1. Messed-up hair, messed-up appearance!
This is what I mean when I said, “looking like he ran a marathon“!
It’s assumable your partner was cheating if he comes home looking unkempt:
- He’s sweaty and looks tired;
- His hair is messy;
- His clothes are disorganized (or even completely different from when he left);
- He’s just all over the place!
Intercourse isn’t exactly the tidiest activity—if your partner came home looking discombobulated, he could’ve been engaging in an affair not too long ago.
2. See if you can find any sex marks, such as hickeys or lipstick stains.
Keep an eye out for hickeys or make-up leftovers on his face, body, and clothes!
Hickeys are a bit more straightforward and harder to get rid of, but make-up is harder to detect on the cheater’s part!
Lipstick stains, glitter, smudged foundation, etc.
All of these are strong indications that your man was just out with another woman.
3. Cheaters who come home after a night out of cheating usually smell very different.
I would like to pay extra importance to this because it’s something cheaters love to gaslight us about.
They say they were hanging out with friends, co-workers, or relatives—but think about it, how close were they standing together? Pretty close if her smell stuck to him.
So let’s not eliminate the possibility that he was hanging out with an affair partner yet.
4. He’s completely out of it—he comes home acting distracted and unapproachable.
This one is quite telling: your partner coming home completely aloof, I mean.
He’s distant and unresponsive; he doesn’t call you pet names or sit down to talk to you about his day.
He probably didn’t even let you know he came home.
If so, your man could be feeling guilty about doing what he did behind your back—alternatively, he doesn’t want to get too close to you and risk letting you know what he’s done!
5. He doesn’t talk to you for the remainder of the night!
Unless your significant other is the silent type, don’t take his silence with a grain of salt.
It’s suspicious for your talkative partner to do this—if he literally just cheated, he’ll be as quiet as a mouse.
He could be feeling remorseful or simply careful, nonetheless, consider it a hint!
6. The first thing he does? Hop in the shower.
But don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions because most people shower as soon as they get home!
Think of this as only part of the problem—let me paint the picture:
Your partner comes back looking entirely different from when he left home. He’s obviously distracted by something and refuses to talk to you. No “Hello, I’m home!”, instead he quickly hurries to get in the shower.
This is him attempting to remove the other woman’s traces.
7. He keeps you at arm’s length (physically speaking) the whole night.
He doesn’t kiss/hug you when comes home—red flag #1.
It’s not just a temporary thing because he’s been keeping you at a physical distance—red flag #2.
When they come home, cheaters avoid getting into physical contact with their partner!
This includes all physical touching, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and even sex.
8. His mood seems to have lifted!
And as for the non-guilty cheaters, they will come home feeling cheerful and refreshed.
Their whole attitude will change—they could’ve been moody the entire day with their partner, but the affair cheered them up.
If you can detect any unusual mood shifts, do not brush them off!
9. Whenever you inspect, he tries to distract or berate you.
Seeing your s.o. come home with lipstick stains all over his mouth and smelling of a subtle, floral scent will make you want to ask a question or two!
And you probably have, but his reactions haven’t been the best:
He lies about his whereabouts and about how the reason his mouth is red is because he’s having an allergic reaction.
He might try to distract you from your own suspicions by brushing the topic off and jumping to another one.
Aggressiveness and uncooperativeness are both bad signs too.
10. See if you can hint at any other signs of guilt.
Cheaters are an open book—I would say that (usually) they unknowingly drop hints as to what they’ve been doing.
According to PsychCentral, every guilty person’s experience varies, but there is a common ground!
The next time your partner comes home extremely late and you suspect he was out cheating (or if it already happened), this is what you need to look out for:
- Attempts to make amends;
- A partner’s constant avoidance of people/things;
- Change in moods;
- Blame-shifting, etc.
A cheater may have a harder time looking at you straight—their body language could consist of fidgeting and hand-gesturing.
If your boyfriend/spouse is cheating, he will either avoid answering questions or over-explain himself.
Body language and psychological clues will be a big help!
But, how to know if a guy sleeps around in general? What are the signs that he’s sleeping with someone else?
We know the possible signs of a partner who just cheated—his appearance is untidied and his behavior odd.
We can put 2 and 2 together in this situation, but what about a long-term cheater?
Very few cheaters would be as careless as to show themselves in front of their partner in such a state!
They have their affairs regularly and are really careful about them—or so they think.
Here are the signs that your significant other is sleeping with someone else:
– He’s like a completely different person in bed.
All of a sudden he’s showing you new moves in bed and has a very intense sex drive.
He has new fantasies and ideas he would like to try out.
On the not-so-bright side, if he suddenly stops having sex with you, it could also mean he’s sleeping around.
Related to this is also you two not sleeping in the same room anymore.
– He *says* he is too busy out of the blue.
“I’m busy!” is what cheaters usually say when they don’t want to get caught!
If your man constantly says he’s busy, or that he has to go on business trips, something is going on.
He needs to get out of the house to go to his AP somehow, so he uses the whole “busy” shtick.
The next time he pulls this, call his office or the people he claims to be with! Verify that he’s schedule has not changed.
– It’s a confusing contrast, but an unromantic attitude and an over-the-top romantic one are fishy.
It’s a bit confusing, but let me explain!
Your mate being non-affectionate with you (not telling you he loves you, no compliments, no physical contact) is concerning.
However, his spoiling you way too much is also suspicious (usually done out of guilt).
This usually holds true if your partner is a neutral-type guy!
– He often goes out with his friends and doesn’t answer the phone the whole night.
What’s worse is that he comes home late too.
I want you to ask yourself, “Are his friends the cheating type?” because if you answered yes, how unlikely would it be for your man to be going with the flow?
Peer pressure does something to people!
And if he ignores your calls and texts the whole time he’s out, that’s where the worrying really begins.
– When you ask him questions, he’s very weird about it and might even refuse to answer.
I talked briefly about a cheater’s unresponsive nature, but digging into their psyche is what’s going to help us.
If you ask him rather normal questions about, say, why he came home late or why he hasn’t been answering his calls, see how he behaves.
If he refuses to answer, panics, and/or gives you too many or too few details, that’s a sign of infidelity.
And if he gets hostile, you’ve hit bingo.
– His phone patterns have changed!
He’s a bit more often than usual on his phone—he could be cheating on it.
If he recently started using passwords for his devices, then it usually represents an attempt to hide stuff.
Also, if he doesn’t let you use his phone for what he says it’s “no reason”, don’t give up there.
– A second phone, SIM Card, hidden online profile.
Don’t even get me started…
What is so important that a person needs to get a whole second phone? I personally will always be a skeptic.
The same goes for SIM Cards and secret social media profiles.
If it’s a work phone, I get it—otherwise, your partner could be taking the safe way out by keeping his affairs away from you.
– You already know that he lies a lot.
Liars cheat and cheaters lie—these two factors come together to form an unfortunate combination!
If you have seen him lie on multiple occasions about things that make him look suspicious, then chances are he is suspicious.
For instance, lying about being at a friend’s house while that friend told you that he’s not there.
– Your s.o. is suddenly a self-care aficionado!
Aside from psychological ones, you can also use more superficial signs.
By “superficial” I mean more obvious ones—such as a sudden need to take care of one’s appearance.
When cheaters find a new subject of romance, they will start wanting to improve their looks for them.
- New self-care regime;
- Better hygiene;
- Testing out new fragrances;
- Buying new clothes.
If your partner has instantaneously started caring for his appearance (even though he hasn’t for the entirety of your relationship/marriage), then a third person could be involved.
– He has stopped opening up to you about important and day-to-day stuff.
Cheaters may physically and emotionally disengage.
As for emotional disengagement, your cheating partner will stop telling you about his days.
He won’t open up about important stuff either—the communication quality goes down once someone starts cheating.
This creates a distance over time that cannot be closed.
– You two argue a lot, or not at all—both are bad signs.
On one hand, a cheater may start arguing more to gain a reason to stop talking to their significant other.
On the other hand, a cheater may also stop arguing because they no longer care enough to.
I see arguing as an inevitable, yet useful thing in a relationship—a middle ground needs to exist for it to be healthy.
– Don’t brush off what your friends are saying, they may have seen him with his mistress.
If your good friends frequently tell you that they’ve seen your man act lovingly with another girl in public, don’t be too quick to dismiss them.
We can’t keep a record on a significant other all the time, so they may have seen/noticed something you haven’t.
– He compares you to other people.
Rarely does something good come out of a partner’s audacity to compare you to other people—that’s just not something you normally do.
But, on the off chance your partner has been comparing you to other women, know that he may be cheating in some way.
If he’s able to look at other people with lust in his mind, he’s very much capable of acting up such thoughts.
And to even let you know he finds them attractive? Unforgivable.
– You sometimes see him snapping sexual pictures of himself.
Quite normal, he could be thinking of sending them to you—it’s when he doesn’t that you need to start wondering!
If you often catch him taking lewd pictures of himself, stop for a second and think:
“Did he send that picture to me?”.
– He purchases things that he doesn’t need or use.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a person trying out new stuff—if this is what your partner’s doing, then there’s no need to worry.
However, if his bank statements say that he’s made purchases in women’s perfume or clothing stores, for instance, those purchases have most likely been made for his lover.
– You two no longer go out in public—when you do, there are a lot of restrictions.
Yes, if your partner stops wanting to go out in public, that’s an obvious bad sign!
But an even worse sign would be him accepting to go, but under certain restrictions.
He picks the time and location—he avoids specific places.
He may have stopped publicly displaying his affection for you when you’re in public.
It sounds like safety precautions in order to prevent you from meeting people he’s seeing or people who know about it.
The key to knowing if your husband/boyfriend has slept with someone else…
Unless you have cold, hard evidence, there isn’t a guaranteed way of knowing for sure whether your partner is cheating on you—only indications!
Pay attention to his appearance when he comes back home—do you notice any irregularities that point out he was with someone?
Don’t ignore behavioral clues either.
If he looks like a cheater, acts like a cheater, and talks like a cheater, then he just may be a cheater.