The heart wants what it wants—love is complicated, and at times, it makes us act irrationally.
It makes us stray away from our partner for, what at the time, seemed like a good idea; affairs aren’t exactly an alien concept to people.
Hot, fiery affairs are born: movie-type affairs that make you throw caution to the wind and forget everything else.
However, most of the time, that flame gradually dims down—if you’re paranoid that your lover is losing interest, it’s time to confirm or deny those suspicions.
If your affair partner exhibits most of these 17 signs, they are most definitely losing interest.
1. The thrill is absolutely gone.
Starting off with one of the most telling signs, if your relationship no longer has excitement involved, it’s most likely because your AP lost interest.
Things aren’t the way they used to be: the thrill of sneaking around while knowing that you two are doing something risky has disappeared.
There’s no passion in your lives; the once exciting activities have become dull, uninteresting, and obligatory.
Whatever happened to the trill is not important—what’s important is that it’s no longer there, hinting at a loss of interest.
2. Sex has become less frequent and exciting.
Sex is how—and why—most people start affairs in the first place, so of course a change in sex life is not to be ignored!
The affair partner is slowly pulling away from intimacy while expressing less desire to meet up with you; when you do have sex, it’s not exciting.
It’s as if your affair partner is doing it to just get it over with.
There’s no more excitement, and the desire to try things out is no longer there—all of this is a clear sign that your lover is losing interest.
3. Your affair partner always cancels your plans.
Definitely, something to keep an eye out for.
If your affair partner always flakes on you last minute, then that is a potential sign that they no longer have you on their mind.
They always find some sort of excuse to get out of previously planned dates with you, and they’re so obvious.
You’re always the one to initiate meet-ups too—they stopped asking you to spend time together.
Both of those situations could mean that they don’t enjoy spending time with you as much, but again, there could be another reason.
4. At one point in your affair relationship, you two started arguing more and more.
Constant and irrational arguing is a sign that issues are present in a relationship, and you two are no exception.
Your affair partner keeps on starting arguments lately, for the most childish, trivial matters.
Those arguments are so bad, that your affair partner doesn’t mind going days without talking to you.
And in my experience, once arguments stop being solved, they will lead to an inevitable break-up—not something to ignore.
5. The emotional connection you once had is no longer there.
And you know for a fact that it’s not because of you.
Yes, if you two are constantly growing apart from each other, a factor is causing that—usually, a partner losing feelings.
You have this gut feeling that your lover is distancing themselves from you emotionally; emotional intimacy and deeper talks are no longer there.
Doubling down on this, your affair partner isn’t affectionate anymore—they don’t tell you they love you or that you mean something to them.
They don’t compliment you or even bother to strengthen your bond.
6. They’re attempting to make things work with their main partner.
I think it goes without saying that if your person is in a relationship and wants to make things work with their actual partner, they’ve lost interest in the affair.
They’re now prioritizing their partner – as they should – and hoping to fix any issues that might’ve led to the affair.
Them doing this is a direct sign that they’ve either lost interest, or they’ve had a change of heart—they just now realize the consequences of their actions.
As a result, the interaction between you two has become inconsistent and your affair partner has grown distant.
7. A huge conflict recently happened, and your affair partner has been cold to you ever since.
Not just any conflict, but a conflict of interest.
I’m talking about you and your affair partner clashing in terms of goals, boundaries, wants, and needs.
For example, you made it clear that you want them to end their relationship as they promised to, yet they’re delaying it.
They don’t want to do that and know that they can no longer manipulate you in that aspect, making them lose interest.
In this case, your AP is most likely not serious about you; they’re only interested in intercourse, and as soon as things get serious, they pull away.
8. Your texts and calls go unanswered.
Your affair partner has recently started ignoring your calls and messages; they say they haven’t, but the facts can’t be ignored.
They take forever to text back, and when they do, they put no thought or effort behind their messages!
Your calls go unanswered more often than not—your lover used to pick them up in a heartbeat, but now, not so much.
They’re avoiding you.
9. The affair partner has started regretting their actions.
Whether your AP is the one being unfaithful to their partner, or whether they’re the side piece, regret is very much possible.
You can feel it in your gut that they’ve started feeling bad about their actions and have no wish to continue this affair any longer.
They constantly beat themselves up over it and talk about how horrible it is what you two are doing.
Feeling remorseful about cheating is the first step to losing interest—if it hasn’t already happened, that is.
10. The affair is over once the discussions about the future stop.
Once your affair partner stops talking about the future of your relationship, it is something to be concerned about.
You two used to talk about the future all the time: about what you’re going to be doing or potentially making your relationship exclusive.
But that all has stopped.
Your affair partner’s future no longer includes you—they’ve completely shut you out and disconnected you from their life.
11. It seems as if they can’t stand you.
Everything you do seems to irritate the other person, but again, it could be the affair partner’s guilt weighing them down.
You used to be lovey-dovey, always flirting and throwing yourselves at each other; now all you two do is argue.
And although your lover partner is trying to hide it, you can’t shake the feeling that they can’t stand you.
And if that’s the case, it could be the result of feelings being lost for whatever reason.
12. They’re upset that you’re developing deeper feelings.
Developing feelings and wanting to take the relationship to another level is not ideal during an affair.
Maybe you two agreed to not make things deeper, or maybe your affair partner never intended to leave their current partner.
Whatever the reason is, if your affair partner has picked up on the fact that you’re getting attached, they’ll automatically pull away.
13. Your lover used to always spoil you—now, not so much.
If up until recently your affair partner has always spoiled you:
- Buying you gifts;
- Taking you to fancy places;
- Traveling to new places;
- Never said “no” to you, but recently stopped, then that’s something to think about.
This (paired with other signs) makes the fact that an affair is nearing its end crystal clear.
Your affair partner stopped showing their affection towards you in their own love language, and that’s a potential sign they’re losing interest.
14. You’re not their priority anymore.
You stopped being each other’s priority; before this, they used to prioritize you over anybody—even over their actual partner.
You used to come first, and everybody else second, but now they’re always canceling plans and not giving importance to the relationship.
Your affair partner would literally drop anything to just be with you, but now it seems as if you’re an option.
Unfortunately, this happens often once people lose interest, especially in affairs—they stop bothering to maintain the connection.
15. The communication factor has taken a really big hit as well.
You two hardly ever communicate anymore, and that’s because your affair partner shows no will to.
They don’t talk to you anymore; when you do, it’s dull, boring, and trivial conversations involving no excitement whatsoever.
There are no more deep talks or anything that promotes bonding between you two—and that’s concerning.
16. The affair got exposed, making your affair partner ultimately lose interest.
If your affair recently got exposed, then that might explain the sudden distance between you two.
For starters, I’m positive you and your lover are facing the consequences, and that’s making it harder to maintain the relationship.
Now, this could go in two ways:
a) Your affair partner has lost interest due to the backlash and difficulty of the whole situation, or;
b) They were only in it for the thrill and the chase.
And you two getting found out means that your AP won’t be getting any of those things.
17. Overall, there is no effort on their part.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the lack of effort—which your affair partner is exhibiting.
Their lack of effort is perhaps the most indicative sign they’re losing interest as effort is what maintains a connection.
They no longer bother to consistently communicate and meet up with you; what was once a fresh and exciting relationship is now monotonous.
Keeping up with you and strengthening your bond is no longer on your affair partner’s to-do list, and it’s gotten noticeable.
There is no effort on their part, hence, your affair relationship is falling apart.
How to say goodbye to your affair partner?
Breaking off an affair can be especially difficult, especially if you really like the person.
Though, I believe the involvement of feelings isn’t necessarily what makes breaking an affair off hard.
Saying goodbye to an affair partner is hard, and as such, it should be done properly!
There are some things to be kept in mind when going through with this, and those “things” is exactly what I’m going to talk about!
– Be firm with your decision.
Think your decision through, recognize that it’s for the best, and set your foot down.
Give the whole situation (and the consequences) a longer thought and realize what truly should be done.
Multiple people have been hurt in the process, especially the actual partner—whether they were aware of the affair or not.
Once you’ve finished assessing the situation, be firm with your decision; don’t allow all the fears, doubts, and hesitation to stop you from doing the right thing.
– Take accountability and accept your fair share of the fault.
It takes two to tango, that’s without a doubt.
Hold yourself accountable and don’t detach yourself from the whole situation!
When communicating with your affair partner, keep in mind that neither you nor they are exactly in the right here.
However, acting as if what you did is entirely your AP’s fault isn’t the way to go here—we need to be mature and accept the responsibility.
Do not blame your lover or try to belittle their existence; treat them with respect and be reflective.
– Of course, communicate your thoughts and feelings to your affair partner.
I think this goes without saying! Do not just abruptly leave your affair partner’s life if you were constantly involved in it.
Have a conversation with them and make it known that you want to put an end to your affair.
Tell them what you’re thinking, feeling, and lay down the boundaries—I can’t exactly tell you how they’ll take it, but this needs to be done!
Also, make sure to include the reason as to why you’re stopping the affair; the reason is quite clear, however, talking things out will help you two get closure.
– Make it known that you’re 100% clear and serious.
Leave no room for confusion or for the affair to ever be rekindled in the future.
Lay down the facts and tell your lover that you’re going to follow through with your decision this time—the affair won’t happen again.
If you’re certain that this won’t ever happen again, show that your commitment to your partner is for real this time.
The moment you part ways will be the last time you ever interact with each other, and there is no changing your opinion.
Do not sweet talk or attempt to leave them wondering whether you’ll ever return; be straightforward and respectful.
– Do NOT let them talk you out of it.
Do not, I repeat, do not let them talk you out of it; do not get tempted to go down the path you’re so desperately trying to get out of.
No matter how many false promises and ideas they feed you, do not give up—show that you’re serious.
Your decision should be final and has your actual partner’s best interest in mind.
We are all human and make mistakes, learning from them is what’s important.
Your AP might even threaten to tell your partner about the affair, and to prevent such blackmail from happening:
– Do come clean to your partner about what has happened.
Yes—do tell your partner about what has happened, no matter how hard it is (though most people have a gut feeling about these things)!
Coming clean is an important part of the process of truly saying goodbye to your affair partner as it helps take a huge weight off of one’s chest.
Not only that, but we might even spend our days constantly worrying whether our partner will, somehow, find out about the whole thing.
Though I do not guarantee that your relationship/marriage will survive such a harsh truth, it’s best to be honest.
All in all, do consider telling your partner the truth—they deserve it!
– Forget your affair partner for good: lose their contact information.
If you’re thinking of ending the affair, be thorough and lose the AP’s contact info—if the roles were reversed, we wouldn’t feel good knowing a partner is talking to someone else.
Lose their number, social media handles, and any other way of communication so that neither of you gets tempted to contact each other!
Attempt to forget them for good if you’ve realized that that’s for the best; do whatever helps your journey.
Spend more time with your partner, family, and friends, or simply do whatever you find relaxing.
Ending an affair is certainly for the best.
Putting an end to an affair is probably for the best for all of the people involved; it affects a relationship unimaginably.
Once a commitment is made, it should be respected—respectively, if we’re not the commitment type, wouldn’t it be easier to just stay single?
That way, we can explore our wildest dreams without hurting another person, in this case, a partner.
Ending an affair is hard, however, faithfulness and sincerity are what support relationships—as such, they should be maintained.