You started seeing this man; he’s nice, funny, and good-looking—he’s basically the whole package.
There’s one thing, though: he acts a bit…unusual.
So much so, actually, that you’re starting to suspect that the reason he’s this way is because he already has a partner.
However, instead of going out on a limb, there are ways to find out whether this is true or not!
Today, I’m going to present you with 18 obvious signs the man you’re seeing is NOT single—are you the other woman?
1. You know he’s already seeing someone when he texts and calls only at designated times.
He only contacts you at very specific times; it’s almost as if he’s on a schedule—you two never talk spontaneously!
- He never goes out of his way to text or call you outside of his “schedule”, and that’s highly suspicious.
- It’s possible that the reason he can’t contact you whenever he pleases is because of a partner.
This is usually the case with cheaters who live with their s.o., but want to see other people.
And if this is the case, he most likely only talks to you at night or during the weekend—whenever his partner is asleep or away.
2. You’ve never set foot in his place, ever.
If your guy won’t let you even think about visiting his place, I’m sorry to break it to you, but he is not single.
You two always book hotel rooms or go to your place—wherever works as long as it’s not his house or apartment.
- He’s gone against the idea of you two going to his place one too many times, and this makes us believe he’s already living with someone.
And by someone, I mean a spouse or a partner.
- When it comes to affairs, this is one of the most evident signs—more often than not, a man who won’t let you visit his place is not single.
3. Whenever you two meet up, it’s always under his conditions.
Whenever you two meet up, he picks the time, place, and how long you’re going to be staying; it’s always about what works for him.
- He avoids crowded and/or familiar places where people might recognize him.
- He picks specific places (and avoids the rest)—you have to work around his schedule.
Him making all of the decisions is a sign that he’s being extra careful not to be found out by his partner.
4. He doesn’t introduce you to the people in his life.
And that’s because he can’t.
His friends and family know that he already has someone—or even worse, a spouse.
He always seems to have an excuse as to why he won’t let you meet his friends; none of those excuses are true, of course.
A partner not letting you meet the important people in his life could mean 2 things:
- He’s not serious enough with you;
- He’s already in a committed relationship and cheating on his partner.
Allowing you to get in his circle will ruin his plans.
5. A non-single man always comes up with excuses as to why he can’t post you on social media.
He always makes up some kind of explanation as to why he’d rather not commemorate your love online.
You ask him to post you, or at the very least mention you online, but the answer is always the same—no.
- “I don’t use social media that much.”
- “I don’t like people all up in my business! Privacy is important.”
He says this and that about how he loves you so much that he doesn’t need to make a silly post about it.
These are all lies: the reason he’s not posting you is because he already has a girlfriend/wife.
And that wouldn’t be a smart move on his part.
6. He rushes to get out of your place as soon as the deed is done.
He doesn’t stick around much after sex, and that’s, at the very least, a terrible thing.
It’s 100% possible for a man to do this when he’s already in a relationship—he can’t stay too long after sleeping with you.
He finished his mission and now needs to go back to his partner.
You can’t change his mind to stay even one minute longer, and in this case, that’s because he’s trying not to look suspicious to his s.o.
7. You two never go out in public.
You’re always meeting up in secret, and you’ve gotten tired of it.
It’s always the two of you being sneaky—what about going out in public, crowded places?
Another clear-cut sign that the man you’re seeing is a cheater: he only agrees to hang out in discreet places.
It’s either in a hotel room, private establishments, your place, or some sort of far-away city.
If he has a partner, he wouldn’t want her (and other people) to see the two of you together, and that’s why he avoids the public eye!
8. He doesn’t even have you added to his social media accounts.
He doesn’t even have you on his friend list, which in reality, is quite odd—why hasn’t he asked for the socials of the person he likes?
Because he’s hiding you (his affair partner)from his actual partner.
By adding you to his socials, both you and his partner will find out about each other—which I’m sure he’s trying to avoid.
Keep in mind, though, that this is only a possibility! People don’t give their handles for different, personal reasons.
9. People who are seeing someone else are often really difficult to get a hold of.
You feel frustrated quite often because of how unreachable he is.
There are times when he doesn’t answer your texts and calls for long periods—when he comes back, he has insultingly bad excuses.
There are a lot of things wrong with this behavior.
To begin with, it’s extremely toxic and unhealthy to be this inconsistent with a person you have an intimate relationship with.
Also, this is usually how cheaters behave with their affair partners.
10. There’s one woman who always interacts with his posts—in a flirtatious way.
On the off chance that he did give you his socials, keep an eye out for any woman who looks like she might be his partner.
If there is a person who constantly likes and comments on his pictures all lovingly, dig a little bit deeper.
She might be his girlfriend!
Though I doubt a cheater would not plan this ahead, it doesn’t hurt to be on the lookout.
11. Your phone number is saved under weird names.
If you, by any chance, were able to get a glimpse of what your name is on his phone, I have a couple of questions!
Was it perhaps a man’s name? Or a single symbol, emoji, or letter?
Or maybe even a restaurant, “Pizza Hut”?
I’m sure you know where I’m getting at—he’s put a random name for you so that his partner doesn’t know he’s fooling around.
And yours truly can debunk this theory: the moment I saw that the guy I was seeing had my number saved under “McDonald’s Delivery”, I knew what was up.
12. You can’t find him anywhere online—he’s given you an alias.
You’ve tried looking him up online, but nothing comes up—not only is this a sign, but also very dangerous.
There’s a high chance he’s given you a fake name or alias—as most cheaters do—so that you won’t be able to find him.
No relevant results come up when you google the first and last name he’s given you, which leads us to believe he’s using a fake identity.
He’s either a married man who’s trying to keep his secret, or in the worst-case scenario, a dangerous individual.
13. Cheaters tend to be way too secretive.
He doesn’t tell you any details about his life, such as:
- What he does for a living;
- Where he lives;
- What school he goes to;
- Where he goes most frequently;
- His online profiles;
- His social circle.
He’s keeping you a secret, basically.
This is the definition of “cheater behavior”, only this time, he’s cheating on someone else…
You’re not included in his private life, and there’s a big chance it’s because he’s already in a committed relationship.
14. He acts differently when you call him while he’s not alone.
Whenever it’s just the two of you, he’s all lovey-dovey, but when other people are present, he acts indifferently.
Whenever you call him outside of his “schedule” and he’s with other people, his attitude completely changes.
He treats you as if you’re simply an acquaintance—no flirting whatsoever.
His tone completely changes too: he sounds so cold and disinterested.
This is a sign that he’s being careful with you; he does not want his partner and social circle to know he’s romantically involved with someone else.
15. Whenever you two go out, he never pays using his cards.
Now, this could only be a preference of his, but cheaters usually pay using cash so that the purchases don’t show up on their bank statements.
Especially if we’re talking about a married person being sexually involved with an affair partner.
Whenever you go out for fancy dinners, or when he spoils you with luxurious items, he only pays with cash!
It’s fairly easy for people to look into their spouses’ purchase history—some even have joint accounts.
He knows this and is being extra cautious with the pieces of evidence he’s leaving behind.
16. His phone is always on mute when you two are together.
He doesn’t want you or his partner to have any suspicions when you’re together, so he keeps his phone on silent mode.
He’s minimizing the chances of you knowing he has a significant other by decreasing his phone activity.
His notifications are off and his volume is all the way down—his phone might even be on Airplane Mode.
This is done in an attempt to not receive any calls and texts from his partner whenever you two are hanging out.
17. Your friends are warning you about him.
When we really like someone, we tend to view them through rose-colored glasses—all the red flags look green.
Fortunately for us though, it takes a 3rd person to immediately know what’s going on.
If your good friends are telling you that you’re his side piece and he’s not a good person, chances are they’re right.
Get to know their train of thought and assess whether they’re truly onto something here.
18. He never talks about the future or nature of your relationship.
He doesn’t define your relationship.
He says there’s no need to rush and put a label on you two when in reality, he’s simply not serious.
You’re not included in his future, nor does he introduce you as his girlfriend.
And whether this is his guilt or cheating expertise speaking, people who are already in relationships might avoid giving false hopes to their AP.
Whenever you ask him, he either dodges the question or gives an unsatisfactory answer.
He is dating someone else but still contacts me—What to do next?
You found out the truth, finally. Now there are emotional, ethical, and moral matters to consider.
Here’s what to do next if he’s in a relationship with someone else!
– Really do consider the circumstances of the situation.
He has a partner, and he’s cheating on them with you—this fact cannot be changed.
Now, I’m not here to pass judgment! However, I can count the number of cheaters who change their habits on one hand.
And if you’re hoping to have a future with him, remember that if he did it once, he might do it again.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Not only that, but we’re also potentially hurting another person, his partner, who won’t be too happy to find out about this.
You and his significant other deserve an honest, loving, and loyal man—and this specific one isn’t an example.
– Tell him that you know about what he’s doing.
Tell him about how you know that he’s hiding a whole partner from you—and that you won’t stand for it.
Show him the evidence and ask him to explain himself.
Though I doubt he has anything to say for himself, giving him a chance to talk might help give you the closure you need.
When confronting him about his cheating, try to remain as calm as possible.
And as frustrating as it might be, keep your cool.
– Know that his reasons for talking to you are most likely not good ones.
All these, and more reasons which aren’t in your best interest could be playing a big part here:
- He only wants sex,
- He’s bored with his current relationship,
- He has commitment issues,
- He’s revenge-cheating on his partner,
- He wants to make his partner jealous,
- He’s straying away due to an argument he has with his s.o.,
- He thinks you’re easy to manipulate.
If he’s going as far as to cheat on someone he’s committed to, I think we can rule out the possibility of him being a decent partner.
I highly doubt he has a good reason to cheat on his significant other because as we all know, there’s NEVER a reason.
– Consider how this will impact your and your partner’s life.
If you’re thinking of just going for it, there are a couple of things to consider.
You’re going to have to sneak around a lot—this means you’re going to have to avoid a lot of places, people, and overall enjoyable parts of a relationship.
You won’t be introduced as his partner or anything similar; remember, he already has one.
As you can tell, all of this is going to impact you negatively and won’t allow you to enjoy your life to the fullest.
Not only that, but this decision will also hurt his girlfriend/wife; as a matter of fact, she will be hurt by this the most.
She’s having her trust betrayed, which could impact her well-being.
– Reach out to his partner.
A bit of a hot take here, but I fully believe the cheatee should be aware of their partner’s unfaithfulness.
We would want to know if a partner was cheating on us, too—what makes this situation any different?
Reach out to his partner and show her all the evidence of the cheating partner coming onto you.
How she takes it and what they do next is up to them—your job here is done.
– Do not settle for being the other woman—drop him.
You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) settle for anything less than what you deserve.
As I said, cheaters have a hard time breaking their cheating habits; they’re not worth the effort.
I know that once feelings have developed, it’s hard to simply let go, however, consider the pros and cons.
Staying with a cheater will only do harm to everyone involved—especially if the cheater isn’t thinking of coming clean to their partner.
Again, I’m not one to judge, though I do think everybody needs to have their own best interest in mind.
Know that you’re not alone!
With all this being said, know that you’re not alone; millions of people deal with similar dilemmas at least once in their lifetime.
The heart wants what it wants, but it’s sometimes blind to the harsh reality of things.
These unmistakable signs will help you realize whether the person you’re seeing is already in a relationship.
Be watchful and decide only what’s best for you in the long run!