If you believe that your boyfriend is already married, then hold that thought: married people are known to lie about their marital status online.
According to a survey by GQ, 21% of the men in exclusive relationships claimed to be still using dating apps.
The number of married men who seek extra-marital affairs is, in reality, much higher than that in real life—we’re not safe from cheaters online or offline!
Is the guy you’re dating a bit weird? Do you want to know if he’s married but hiding it? These signs will prevent you from being a homewrecker.
– When should you start worrying about being a *potential* homewrecker?
Unknowingly breaking up a happy family has always been a fear of mine; putting myself in the cheater’s spouse’s shoes makes me go cold.
Not everybody seeks the homewrecker life, but it accidentally finds them—what do we need to look out for, though?
- If something is telling you that the man you’re seeing is not who he says he is, then it’s time to abort the mission!
If this man’s tendency to keep everything a secret is uncanny, then he could be married (e.g. not letting you visit his home, not introducing you to anybody).
Start worrying once it’s been a couple of months since you’ve started talking, and he still doesn’t welcome you to the most fundamental parts of his life.
Ask yourself, “Do I know where he works and lives? Who are his family and friends? Am I only an afterthought to him?”, and you’ll have your answer.
Let’s get into more details with 17 clear-cut signs a man is married but lying about it:
1. You don’t know any of his relatives or acquaintances.
Definitely flag #1: he shuts down your request to meet the people close to him (family members and friends).
Meeting a boyfriend’s family and friends after being with them for a reasonably long while is normal and a sign of commitment on their part.
- If he objects inviting you to grab a quick coffee while he’s with his friends, then you might just be his side chick.
If his social circle were to find out about your existence, they’d most likely tell his wife—this is why he keeps you all separated.
2. He doesn’t let you come over to his place.
Know that his ongoing disapproval of you visiting his place means something, and that “something” could be that he’s cheating with you.
If you’re this man’s mistress, he won’t invite you over to his house because he lives with his wife and children (even if they’re away, he still won’t risk it).
This is why you two only meet up at your place or hotels.
3. He doesn’t pay with his credit card—only cash!
We can catch a cheating spouse simply by looking at their credit card spending—if they used it for hotel bookings, it will show up on their history.
The next time (and many times after that) your boyfriend is taking you out to a nice dinner, see if he has a preference for paying with his credit card.
4. He doesn’t visit you often (only for sex).
If you can tell he only sees you as a booty call, then get out of there as soon as possible—this is how you can tell he only sees you as one:
- He doesn’t ask you out often and doesn’t pay you any surprise visits but when he does, it’s only about sex.
Most married people are only looking to live their sexual fantasies (e.g. cheating on their spouse), so their affairs are mostly physical.
5. You met him on a dating app and that’s the only place you two communicate.
If you met this guy while swiping on Tinder or Bumble and got to know him “better”, yet he doesn’t add you on social media (or give you his phone number), then he might have a spouse.
- You two only talk on the dating app you met even though you should’ve added each other on more public social media platforms like Facebook or Instagram by now.
6. You only talk on specific apps (e.g. WhatsApp or Snapchat) and his social media profiles look fake.
Let’s first tackle the issue with apps like WhatsApp: WhatsApp is a texting and calling app a lot of cheaters use because of its privacy.
Cheaters also use Snapchat for the same reason! So if this person friends you only on such platforms, start questioning his intentions.
- You’re not able to see his friend list (and vice versa), his posts (in case he uploads photos with his wife), and other clues that tell you he’s taken.
However, some cheaters juggle between their affairs and daily lives by opening fake accounts for their affair partners.
- Figure out if he’s doing this by analyzing his online profile—if he has no photos of himself there, no posts or friends, and no sign of activity, then it’s most definitely a faux account.
7. Start wondering what you know about him (cheaters don’t talk about themselves).
If the man you’re dating only sees you as his affair partner, then he won’t risk telling you more about his life (where he works, lives, hangs out, etc.).
This is an obvious clue you’re being lied to, so you need to be careful; a person like this is dangerous in more ways than one.
Do you know what he does for a living or where he does it? Do you know what his place looks like? What about his best friends? If he’s a married man, you probably know nothing about him.
8. His attitude changes whenever he’s with you and receives a call.
The next time somebody calls him, closely listen to how he answers.
- That might be his wife calling—if so, he’s going to act either sweet or indifferent with her, lie about who he’s with (and where), and tell you that no one important called.
But if he’s an experienced con man, he’ll turn on Airplane Mode or power off his phone so that he doesn’t receive any calls while you two are together.
9. This guy does NOT respond to your calls and messages, sometimes for days.
If he goes days or even weeks without talking to you, then you’re most likely the other woman—this man has a set date when he can and cannot talk to you.
That time could be when he’s away on “business trips” or when his wife is asleep/not home (so only when the cost is clear).
The next time you triple-call this man and he declines each time, think about this!
10. All of your dates are planned and none are impromptu.
Married men cannot go on an unplanned date because that means exposing themselves to risky situations (e.g. going outside “schedule”).
- Your guy might be married if he accepts to go out only under his requirements (he picks the place, time, and how long you’ll be there).
Don’t expect any cute, surprise dates from this man (or for you to have much say on it) because he’s looking out after himself and his marriage.
11. Observe his demeanor when you two are out in public—is he anxious?
If he is anxious whenever you go out, then he could be staying on the lookout for anybody familiar—if he’s married and somebody sees him with you, it’s game over for him.
So he’s always looking around, fidgeting, rushing to leave, and begging you to go somewhere more private.
12. He also doesn’t stick around for long after getting you in bed.
You never see him the next morning and he always has some excuse:
“I had to go because I’m busy! I wish I could stay with you longer.”
Cheaters who are married can’t stay with their lovers for too long as it’ll make their partners suspicious (if it happens constantly, they’ll figure it out).
13. He doesn’t want to get serious with you.
You might have been vocal about the topic of exclusivity, but this man either changes the subject, rejects it, or gives false promises.
We’re exploring the possibility of him already being married, so it’s obvious why he can’t commit to you.
- If you and this man haven’t been dating for too long, then him not wanting to make things official is normal—consider this sign only when it’s been a while and he still refuses to talk commitment.
14. If he’s married, he won’t be able to keep certain promises.
E.g. promises to introduce you to his family or to take you out on a date—we know why he can’t introduce you as his girl, so let’s talk about the “date” thing.
- Married men often cancel plans when something unexpected comes up (family-related issues mainly), so view his flakiness as a signal.
He might have unexpected plans with his wife and kids, and since they’re his priority, he ends up canceling your much-anticipated plans!
15. A married man can’t have sex marks on his body, so he gets mad when you leave any!
He forbids you from leaving any hickeys, scratches, or makeup on his body and clothes—if his wife were to see them, she’d instantly know he’s cheating.
This is why he makes a big deal out of the sex marks you leave on him (even though they’re fairly normal).
He might even be regularly reminding you not to be careless.
16. There is an indentation on his ring finger that indicates he’s married.
Rings sometimes leave temporary indentations on fingers; discoloration is really common too.
The next time you and your date meet up, pay close attention to his middle/ring finger and see if you notice anything of sorts.
17. He always has some ridiculous excuse!
Whenever he spends days without seeing you or whenever he bails in the middle of the night, he always gives you ridiculous excuses:
“I lost my phone!”
“I was really busy and that’s why I couldn’t text you even though it takes literally 5 seconds!”
- His unreachability is linked to his married life, so notice the patterns; if he’s only able to communicate with you at certain times, then you’re being deceived.
How do you check if the man you’re with is married?
Cheaters who are already married indeed tend to be incredibly cautious with how much they let on (their name, workplace, house of residency, etc.)!
But this doesn’t mean that exposing them is unattainable—use what you know about them to expose their true, cheating nature!
Search up his first and last name on social media.
I’ll be taking Facebook as an example because of its search filters! Go on Facebook, put his name on the search bar, and click Enter.
If he comes up, then that’s great—if not, click on the People tab and tap on Filters (at the top right).
Specify the city he lives in, his job, and whatever you know about him so you’ll have an easier time finding his secret social media accounts.
You can use Search Engines for this method (e.g. Google, Firefox, Bing, Yandex) by writing the person’s name, phone number, and/or email address on the search bar.
If he’s sent you an image of what he looks like, reverse-search it.
If he’s not a catfish, then you’ll uncover his online profiles (which will help you find out if he’s married or not).
If no results come up or if the information he told you doesn’t match up, then this guy is catfishing you.
Look for a ring line on his finger!
I was talking about how rings usually leave marks, and that’s exactly what I’m recommending you look out for.
- A tan line that represents a ring is also a sign that there may have been a wedding ring on the finger.
Call him and see what your phone number is saved as on his phone.
Cheating husbands throw their spouses off by saving their AP’s phone number under a different name—a guy’s name or an emoji, for example.
- Call his phone while he’s not looking and quickly glance over at the screen; if your name on his phone is “Jack” or “Cousin”, for example, that means he’s trying to hide you.
Call outside of your “appointment”.
I’m using the word “appointment” because technically speaking, if you two are allowed to talk only during specific times, that’s what it is.
But if you’ve had enough of his games, call him at one of the times he’s told you not to call—his wife might pick up the phone and you’ll get the full picture.
- We’re aiming for the guy’s wife to pick up the phone instead of him, so if she doesn’t, doing this will be useless.
– I found out my boyfriend is married. What should I do?
If you have found yourself in this less-than-desirable situation, then you must be thinking, “What should I do?”.
Before we continue, remember that it’s not your fault if you didn’t know! These things, unfortunately, happen and keep one up at night.
These are the important next steps if you find out that the guy you’ve been dating is in a relationship or even married.
1. Get your thoughts and feelings in line—look after yourself.
If you have already fallen for this man before finding out he’s a cheater, I recommend creating some space between you two.
The fact that he has kept that part of his life a secret from you should be weighing you down, but I want you to take a deep breath and relax.
- Your conscience might be telling you it’s your fault, however, realize that you didn’t knowingly get together with a married man.
You met him, liked him, and of course didn’t normally think of the possibility he might have a wife—this is not your fault but his.
Calm down, reassure yourself, and ask your friends for their perspective/help in this!.
2. Talk with him and break up the relationship you two had going.
It’s very difficult if you’ve created a deep, emotional relationship with the cheater, but it’s best to let him go for your sake.
- He’s a liar, cheater, and a horrible person for playing you and his wife this way—this is NOT the type of man you should be looking forward to spending the rest of your life with.
Reach out to him and say things as they are: you found out he’s married, are extremely disappointed and hurt, and wish to say goodbye.
Don’t let him sway you or make empty promises (promising you he’ll divorce his spouse) and put yourself in his wife’s shoes.
You got with him when you weren’t aware he was a cheater, and now you have the choice to break up and even save his wife.
3. Weigh out the pros and cons of telling his wife about your affair.
Although I think that the cheatee should always know about their partner’s affair, some might disagree, so I’m only recommending you weigh out the pros and cons of telling her!
She deserves to know the truth, you might finally knock some sense into the cheater, you could be saving her from future heartbreak, etc.
However, his wife might hold a grudge against you, not believe you, or you might start feeling guilty for breaking up a “happy” family.
If the roles were reversed, I’m sure we’d want to be aware of our spouse’s affair.
You can give the cheater the choice to owe up to it (it is his duty after all), but if you want to be the one to tell his wife, then go ahead.
4. Don’t look back.
After you end things with this man for good, don’t look back—no matter how much he tries to win you back, remind yourself that he’s a cheater.
He has a wife (or even kids) yet he still decided to cheat on them with someone he lied to about his life.
Stay strong and don’t reach out to him!
You can tell if a man is married by the way he acts…
A cheater won’t warn you he’s a cheater, so you’ll have to figure it out for yourself—this can be achieved by looking at how he behaves!
If he is secretive about his life, avoids specific places, and only calls you up when he wants to get you in bed, for instance.
If you’re not able to tell from that alone, then you can try to Google him or use reverse image search tools to find his whereabouts.
Good luck, and hopefully he’s not married!