The mind of a cheater is a complicated place.
They cheat on their partner and are fully aware of their actions, yet protest against ending the relationship.
And though it would be easier for them to do what they want while being single, they hold onto the very partner they disrespected for dear life.
Why’s that, though? What compels them to stay together with their partner, and vice versa?
Today we’re going to pinpoint the very specific reasons why cheaters don’t end relationships as well as the cheatee’s point of view.
Firstly, why do people cheat on their partners?
There are many reasons why cheaters cheat, and I have to say, none of them excuses their behavior.
Though everybody has their train of thought, here are the most common reasons why people cheat on their partners:
- They’re immature;
- They don’t know how to communicate their inner issues;
- They’ve lost their feelings;
- They believe they deserve better;
- They know they won’t get caught;
- They believe their sexual needs aren’t being met;
- The same goes for emotional needs;
- They know their partner will forgive them;
- They want to make new, fresh experiences;
- They feel insecure.
Different things push cheaters to do what they do, however, the sole fact that they’re hurting another person makes us wonder:
“Why not just break up with your partner?”
And we’re going to be answering that question right now! Here are 11 surprising reasons why cheaters don’t leave:
1. Despite everything, they still love their partners.
This is a bit shocking considering that we don’t typically think of love when talking about cheating.
And I 100% agree: saying that cheaters love their partners is a bit ironic considering people would never hurt the one they love.
However, some people don’t mind cheating on the love of their life, for whatever reason.
- It could have been a “drunken mistake” or maybe them cheating due to insecurities; physical cheating with no emotions attached is also common.
- Whatever nonsensical excuse they have to give, technically, it’s still possible for them to have had feelings for their partner during the affair.
And of course, those feelings of love prevent them from leaving their partner—they feel regretful and try to make things work.
2. It’s not quite “love” the cheater is feeling, they’re simply attached.
It’s very much possible for a person to cheat and refuse to break up with the cheatee due to attachment.
The bond they have created with their partner is too strong, and breaking it makes them anxious.
Let’s not get attachment confused with love—according to PsychCentral, love is when you have feelings for a person, and attachment is how safe and satisfied you feel with the person.
- The confusion is definitely there, but love and attachment can’t be used interchangeably.
- In this case, the cheater can’t break up with their partner because they’re content with how things are going.
- For them, the partner they cheated on ticks all the right boxes and makes them feel safe, secure, and well taken care of.
It sounds quite selfish—and it is—but what sometimes stops cheaters from leaving their partners is how attached they feel to them.
3. They don’t want things to change.
Although it’s all their fault!
A lot of people feel uncomfortable with change, especially when they are happy with how things are going.
- In this case, cheaters don’t break up because they value the harmony of their daily lives, and breaking up with their partner will ruin it.
- It could be love, it could be attachment, or it could be other factors that make them want to leave things as is.
Regardless of what it is, they dread their otherwise normal, perfect life-changing in any way.
4. Divorces are troublesome… and expensive.
This is usually the case when infidelity gets discovered in marriages.
The spouse (the cheater) will try their best to mend the relationship and have their partner forgive them due to how messy and expensive divorces get.
- According to RightLawyers, around 17% of marriages end due to infidelity, and according to a state’s law, the cheater has to pay quite a bit.
In some cases, as much as half of their assets.
- Of course, this depends on factors such as the affair’s nature, the marriage, and the custody of children.
Regardless, layers and court proceedings alone could cost a fortune, hence why cheaters find it easier to not divorce at all.
5. They were never looking to break up, to begin with.
They were most likely looking to add a bit of adventure to their life.
Since people usually cheat because they’re somehow dissatisfied in the relationship, that doesn’t ultimately make them want to break up.
- They venture by having affairs and once they believe they’ve satisfied their needs, they’re “ready” to go back to their partner.
- They view this as a small break from their seemingly unfulfilling relationship, however, breaking up was never on the agenda.
It’s possible they love their partner or have other reasons—regardless of what it is, they never meant for the relationship to end.
6. The cheater is afraid of being alone so they’ll hesitate to end the relationship.
We also can’t ignore the possibility of a cheater not breaking up with their partner because they’re afraid of being alone.
If they do end the relationship, they don’t know what will come next! Will it be another person, or will they remain alone?
- The unknown scares them, so much so that it urges them to stay in the relationship but cheat for personal fulfillment.
- They don’t know for sure how long it’ll take before they get into a relationship again, or how long it’ll take—they need to constantly be romantically involved with someone to feel secure.
7. A cheating spouse will likely not end the marriage if they have children.
The presence of children is perhaps one of the most common reasons why couples never get a divorce.
They simply don’t want to put their children through the potential pain of having separated parents, which can be a confusing time for them.
It’s also very emotionally and physically draining for children to have to go back and forth between their parents’ houses.
And parents prevent this from happening by staying together with their partner.
Meaning that even if a person cheats in a marriage, out of love and consideration for the children, they won’t leave.
8. They don’t want their reputation to be tarnished over it.
No one likes cheaters—not even cheaters themselves.
If two people break up or get divorced because of cheating, the cheatee could very well tell others why they broke up.
They got cheated on, and that’s quite a heavy blow to the cheater’s reputation, especially if they’re married—or even worse, have children.
This might even impact their other relationships, career, and other aspects of life.
No one takes kindly to people who willingly hurt their families and end up giving up on them, so a lot of cheaters find it easier to just stay.
They don’t want to be outcasted or constantly be given dirty looks, something they should’ve thought about before cheating!
9. They feel entitled to cheating and still stay with their partner.
It’s sad, however, it happens—some cheaters believe their actions are completely justified.
They think they can be unfaithful and still remain together with their partner.
And I know what you’re thinking, “The audacity!”, and I don’t blame you; some cheaters feel entitled to such actions for different reasons.
- It could be the cheater’s narcissistic nature, cultural background, or partner’s (cheatee’s) forgiving nature—whatever it is, it enables their cheating.
- They know they can cheat and won’t face the consequences; to them, unfaithfulness is second nature and something they won’t have to worry about.
10. They know they can cheat and get away with it.
As I said, a lot of cheaters feel free to cheat because of their partner’s forgiving nature.
Now, don’t get me wrong: in no way am I saying that it’s the partner’s fault because it’s absolutely not.
It’s just that some people feel okay with cheating because they know that their partner will excuse their behavior.
- They know that at the end of the day, they’ll have a partner they can return home to—someone who will put up with them no matter what.
11. They feel obligated to stay—simple as that.
And another very typical reason why people cheat but don’t leave their partner is because they feel obligated to stay.
They’ve been in a long, serious relationship together and have made commitments—they’ve formed a family.
They’ve gotten married, bought a house, helped each other during tough times, and share responsibilities.
Leaving would be too much of an inconvenience, so their guilt makes them feel obligated to stay.
Despite that though, they still cheat on their partner in the hopes of finding whatever they believe they have lost.
Looking at it from another perspective: why can’t people leave their cheating partners?
Shockingly, a cheater not saving their partner’s time by leaving is not what’s most surprising here.
It’s the fact that a handful of people stay with their cheating partner—for what reason, though?
Why can’t people leave the cheaters who hurt them greatly? It’s about time we solve the dilemma!
– Because they love them, of course.
This is a very obvious reason—yes, people struggle to leave their cheating partners because of how much they love them.
As we all know, love is blind, and in this situation, it makes us excuse even the most unforgivable acts.
Though, this doesn’t mean that the person is okay with being cheated on—they’re not okay with it, nor do they appreciate the pain.
They simply can’t let go of the person they love and have already formed a meaningful relationship with.
– Because they prioritize their family.
Similar to a cheater not leaving because of their children, this is also a common reason why people who’ve been cheated on stay.
They prioritize their family’s happiness and wouldn’t want to inflict any harm upon it.
At times, people think out the pros and cons while deciding something, and they come to the conclusion that putting up with a cheater is for the best.
They don’t want all that effort (e.g. house, work, finance) to go to waste; if they have children with the cheater, they’ll be even less likely to leave.
– Insecurity could also be in play here.
Just like the cheater, the cheatee could also be feeling insecure, and that’s exactly why they can’t find the strength to leave their cheating partner.
They’re afraid of being alone or not being able to find another partner they can spend their days with.
Not only that, being cheated on impacts the cheatee’s self-esteem, which could be playing a major role in this situation.
It all comes down to them not thinking they’ll feel loved again—which by the way isn’t true.
If you’re dealing with a similar situation and your significant other has fed you such lies, you need to reconsider the second chances you keep giving them.
– They’re hoping to, somehow, fix things.
A lot of people stay with their cheating partners because they’re hoping that somehow, deep down, they’ll be able to fix things.
In general, it’s very difficult to move past a breakup and solve whatever issues caused it, but the cheatee will not lose hope.
Whether it’s because of their feelings or other circumstances, they will stay together with the partner who cheated on them, in the hopes that things will get back to normal.
– They aren’t quite ready for their lives to change.
We’re already familiar with the fact that change for most people is an uncomfortable thing—especially in situations like these.
Another reason why a person might want to stay with their cheating partner is because they’re not okay with their lives changing.
They’re content with their lives and would hate for anything to change the way things are going—including a breakup.
They feel comfortable knowing they have the same routine instead of wondering what’s going to happen next.
Breaking up or divorcing somebody brings inevitable changes in the relationship as well as our daily lives, and that in itself is enough to scare people into staying in a relationship.
– Sometimes, they might even feel compassionate.
Pretty shocking, but a group of people doesn’t break up with their cheating partners, and they have their reasons.
Their partner could have had a hard life or even is currently going through something bad, and that makes the cheatee feel empathetic.
They wouldn’t want to add to their plate; instead what they do is stay with the cheater regardless of how intense their pain is.
Despite everything, they do care for the cheater and would feel guilty if anything bad were to happen to them.
Such is the case in most abusive relationships, and unfortunately, it happens too often.
People stay in bad relationships because they got no other choice; they have to endure their partner’s cheating.
They don’t see breaking up with their abusive partners as an option, and they can’t take the very necessary step of leaving.
If you or other people you know are stuck in an abusive relationship with no way out, know that there’s always a way out.
Don’t suffer in silence—open up to family and friends about your experience as well as report your abusive partner to the proper authorities.
Despite what your abusive relationship and/or partner led you to believe, help is within your reach.
Although it would be easier for everyone involved, cheaters just don’t leave.
Hurting another person yet refusing to do the decent thing by letting them go is extremely selfish.
Even though they know this, they believe they have the right to go on with the relationship as if nothing happened.
The very many surprising reasons vary from personal feelings to sheer obligation, but why cheaters don’t leave never fails to confuse people!