Many people before us have experienced the heartbreak of being cheated on, and the numbers don’t seem to be dropping anytime soon!
Especially not with the development of technology, aka the development of accessible ways to cheat.
According to Professor Nicholas H. Wolfinger, around 20-25% of married men cheat, as opposed to 10-15% of married women.
The numbers may not seem that scary, but think about how many of those cases go unreported—it’s even scarier when we pit those percentages against the number of married couples that exist.
I don’t want to scare you, however, if you think your wife is cheating, having proof saves you time, but I’m assuming that you don’t have any.
Don’t worry—there’s another way to know if your partner is cheating!
What to look out for? These are the 20 physical and emotional signs that suggest your wife is cheating.
1. Start off with behavioral changes—decide if your spouse has become less loving and more distant with you.
A common sign of cheating is a partner’s cold and non-affectionate behavior; if your wife is no longer the warm, fun person she used to be, then anything is possible.
- She doesn’t tell you that she loves you;
- Doesn’t compliment you;
- Doesn’t tease/flirt with you;
- Doesn’t hug, kiss, and cuddle you, etc.
Once a person starts seeing someone else, they will stop giving love and affection to the cheatee (they’re investing more time in the other person).
Start observing your wife’s actions—decide if she’s treating you less like a partner, and more like a nuisance.
2. She’s been going out often, not answering her phone, and coming home late.
Not a good combination—if your wife has been going out at night and coming home early in the morning, then that could be her cheating schedule.
Unreachability is a bad sign too: if she doesn’t respond to your texts and calls the whole night, or if her phone is out of service.
In similar cases, I recommend reaching out to the people who might know where she is! For example, if she says she’s with family, then you’ll know if she lied or not by shooting them a quick text.
“Hey, [family member]! Sorry to bother you, but I can’t reach [your wife], can you tell her to bring home a carton of milk? We’re completely out.”
3. See what people she’s close with—is there anyone in her life you’ve always been suspicious of?
When people cheat, it’s usually with someone they know:
An ex, a close friend, neighbor, co-worker, or classmate, for example.
It’s a tad weird for someone who’s married to be closer to another person than their spouse—watch out for this!
Pry a bit inside her social circle to see if one of her acquaintances stands out to you:
- Someone she talks to every day; someone she regularly goes out with and constantly makes excuses for.
4. Analyze her actions after she comes home and you’ll know if she was with somebody else.
See if her routine after coming home has changed.
Let’s say the first thing your spouse used to do when entering the door is cheerfully shout, “Babe, I’m home!” and then give you a kiss.
But not anymore; she rushes to hop into the shower after a long night of ignoring your calls—this could be an attempt to erase evidence.
5. Speaking of which, in case she comes home after having cheated, pay attention to the way she looks and smells.
As you can see you’re going to have to do quite a bit of scrutinizing to notice the signs, but this one’s a bit more obvious.
- If your wife comes home smelling differently, with her outfit looking all messy (or even different), wearing runny or no make-up at all, and her hair looking unkempt, it’s possible she was with someone else.
This directly correlates with what I was just talking about: to get rid of the other person’s smell and other traces, the first thing she’ll do is take a shower.
The next time she comes home after engaging in prior, secret plans, analyze how she looks and what she does!
6. She doesn’t wear her ring and makes different excuses.
You know, there are people whose wedding rings interfere with their jobs—they take it off during their shift and put it back on as soon as it’s over.
This is common, and nothing to stress over.
But if your wife keeps her ring off at all times (especially when going out with her friends), then don’t dismiss it—she is intentionally presenting herself as a single woman.
7. A secret admirer has been sending her gifts.
Lavish gifts are always coming in the mail—you didn’t buy them, she didn’t buy them, so who could it be? Most likely a lover.
Consequently, she always rushes to get the mail just so that you won’t see those gifts and start suspecting something.
8. New clothes, a new hairdo, and a fresh look!
Because love makes us do all sorts of crazy things—but getting dolled up for another person while having a spouse is a crazy-accurate sign of cheating.
If your wife has started paying more attention to her appearance, by:
- Working out;
- Buying new clothes (especially lingerie);
- Styling her hair;
- Changing her whole appearance, etc, it’s likely the work of an affair partner.
To know for sure, though, ask yourself: “Is she making this effort because of plans we’ve made, or strictly for other people?”.
9. Whenever your wife’s on her phone, she ignores you.
And believe me, a cheater is ALWAYS on their phone, especially if they’re online cheating, so stay attentive.
If she’s consistently on her phone, specifically messaging somebody, then she’s going to pay no attention to you if that “somebody” is her side partner.
If she’s cheating, then she’s under the illusion that there’s an excuse for it—there isn’t—and as days go by, your wife is going to become less and less willing to uphold your marriage.
10. There are no more deep talks between you two.
Remember when in the beginning I said that behavioral changes are common signs of cheating? A lack of communication says it all.
If your partner is cheating, she won’t give as much importance to the factor of communication and other forms of expression:
- She won’t initiate meaningful or even surface-level conversations, which means she’s given up on strengthening your connection.
Communication is not just about talking—it represents expressing oneself and allowing people to get closer.
11. She doesn’t update you on her life anymore.
Significant others are most people’s priorities—they’re who people regularly give updates to about their whereabouts and vice versa.
But if a cheater goes out to meet with other people, because they can’t tell the truth, they choose to not talk about their day at all!
- She doesn’t tell you how her day went;
- And she doesn’t tell you details about what she did or the places she went to.
12. That secrecy extends to her electronics, e.g. phones, computers, social media accounts, etc.
If your wife is being unfaithful, then she will be secretive with her electronics for obvious reasons.
- She won’t let you use or peek at her phone/PC/social media—to prevent any funny ideas on your end, she will even go as far as changing all of her passwords!
Tech clues are usually the most telling signs, so take down notes of any fishy behavior regarding technology.
13. She mixes up your and the other person’s name.
Mistakes happen, right? Calling another person by a family member’s, or a close friend’s name…but a stranger’s?
The more we utter a name, the more likely it is to be placed on standby.
If your wife always says another person’s name while you talk, while she sleeps, or while you’re having sex, then that may be the name of her affair partner.
Extra points if it’s someone you don’t know and/or you’ve always been skeptical of!
14. She doesn’t spend time with you but is way too eager to spend it with other people.
She swears she’s too busy to go out with you, but as soon as another person calls her phone, she’s ready to roll.
It all has to do with how she treats other people vs. you—if she goes above and beyond for another person, then that’s your cue.
Her not wanting to spend quality time together with you means that she’s either going through it or dedicating her time/attention to another person.
15. She doesn’t let you tag along.
When she goes out with her friends, her work events, and other social gatherings—she insists you don’t come with her.
If you’re thinking what this has to do with cheating, let me explain:
The first (and obvious) scenario would be her lying to you about what she’s doing—in reality, she’s meeting up with her affair partner.
And the other scenario would be her preventing you from finding out! For instance, if she’s cheating with a co-worker, she would dread you coming to her job’s social gatherings.
16. Cheaters are very irritable with their partners—think to yourself if your wife is too!
If your wife has a short fuse lately, then here are the possibilities:
- She’s cheating and her mixed feelings about the situation are messing with her emotions;
- She starts arguments because she wants an excuse to leave the house and go to her lover’s.
Whenever she has a temper tantrum, analyze her tendencies! Does she argue about trivial things and/or immediately leave as a result?
17. Keep your eyes open for any suspicious bank statements.
Finding physical receipts that show she’s been to a hotel is unmistakable evidence, albeit very unlikely to happen.
The same goes for online transactions and your joint bank account’s activities.
See if she’s paid for stuff like:
- Lingerie you never got to see;
- Subscriptions for cheating dating apps;
- Hotel room reservations;
- Secret vacations;
- Gifts typically meant for men (but you weren’t the one to receive them).
A lot of cheaters dally around with strangers on dating platforms—see if you can find any purchases made for any dating apps, such as Tinder or Bumble.
If you’re curious to know whether she’s using Tinder, a search is all it takes to find out!
18. When you try to talk to her about your feelings, you’re met with hostility.
If you’ve ever mentioned to her that you don’t feel OK with the way she’s acting, and she threw a tantrum, then that’s a classic cheater reaction.
- She raises her voice and is aggressive;
- She gaslights you;
- She shifts the guilt and calls you “controlling”.
If she’s shocked and confused, it means that you’ve hit the bull’s eye with your statements!
Also, make out your wife’s facial expressions: if they show shock, fear, or panic when you confront her, then she is a cheater.
19. Your wife doesn’t get jealous when you mention other women.
What I’m about to say is going to sound really toxic to some, but completely understandable to others!
- If your partner stops being jealous and overprotective, then that’s a bad sign.
Something has changed, and as troublesome as having an overly jealous spouse might be, it’s still a sign that they care.
If your wife has stopped caring about stuff like this, then infidelity may be the cause.
20. All of your efforts to fix the marriage are useless.
You most likely suspect that your wife is cheating because of the way she’s acting—cold, distant, unloving.
And that’s evidently impacting your marriage, changing it negatively.
Maybe you have tried your best to fix it and somehow win your wife back with gifts, acts of affection, expensive dates, and planned vacations.
But nothing is working—she doesn’t want it to work.
Cheaters who have lost feelings for their significant others usually act like this; nothing helps them change their minds and care like they once did.
If you’ve hit a dead-end in this aspect, I’m afraid it only means one thing.
How to find out if your spouse is cheating? The only 2 paths you can take.
Start eyeing her behavior and acknowledging the signs.
Cheating isn’t exactly the most upright thing: it transforms a person by influencing the way they think and behave.
Keeping watch on the signs I talked about earlier is one solution, but not the only reliable one!
- We can never be too sure if someone’s cheating based on specific behavior, and we certainly wouldn’t want to risk the relationship.
- Some people, although they’re cheating, can hide their tracks.
If you’re the type of person who’d rather take matters into their own hands, then these are the two paths you can take:
– The healthy, direct path.
You can talk to your partner and ask her directly if she’s cheating or not.
Do this calmly, but straightforwardly!
Show her any evidence or reason you might have that’s making you think this way and after that, ask for her utmost honesty and understanding.
Her telling the truth, unfortunately, I can’t guarantee. However, by choosing communication you’ll be dealing with your feelings the healthy way.
If you have no evidence whatsoever, there’s still a chance that she’s innocent, and picking this method will help the two of you come to a mutual understanding and respect.
– The unhealthy, toxic path.
This includes tricking, following, and spying on your spouse—so yeah, definitely unhealthy.
For example, you can:
- Employ a private investigator to give you an in-depth report on your spouse;
- Use spying apps on her phone;
- Install spyware on her phone, car, or your house;
- Use people-searching tools to find her hidden dating profiles;
- Trick her into confessing by asking specific questions or lying to her that you know for a fact she’s cheating.
None of these methods are recommended because of the toxicity they welcome in your marriage—if it turns out that your wife’s faithful (and let’s hope she is), she’ll be hurt and disappointed.
But I must admit that sometimes, using underhanded methods is the most effective (and the only) answer.
To know if your wife is cheating, all evidence is crucial.
Physical evidence or behavioral signs—don’t brush off anything.
If you have a strong feeling that you’re being played, then don’t take anything suspicious that your wife does for granted.
Most of the time, we get tricked by having an “Oh, it’s probably just my imagination and not a big deal” type of mindset!
Don’t ignore the signs: if they’re all present, then she might be just cheating.