19 obvious signs that she’s cheating on you — How does an affair start?

There have been suspicions of cheating in almost every couple, since the beginning of time…a result of people’s inability to keep their hands to themselves.

Have these dark thoughts also been implanted in your brain? I don’t mean to cause panic, but gut feelings are usually right when it comes to these things.

Not saying there’s a 100% chance your girlfriend or wife is cheating on you, but there are signs that lead to that conclusion.

– What type of person is your partner?

Is she the honest or cunning type? What about the past—has she cheated on you before?

Before we proceed any further, I need you to assess her personality as it’s going to have a major impact on her behavior.

  • For instance, if she’s always been a truthful person and is now a first-time cheater, then the signs should be much more apparent (e.g. behaving anxiously).
  • But if she’s a crafty liar, she’s probably hiding her affair ever so effortlessly—as you probably guessed, these types of cheaters are the hardest to catch.

Multiple researches suggest that people who’ve cheated in the past are more likely to do it again, so her habitual cheating has probably made her a pro.

The point is that not every cheater is the same! Every single one of them behaves differently and is trying to hide their affair in their own ways.

Your observation skills need to be on top of their game and you shouldn’t let anything odd go unquestioned. If you notice anything like this, then don’t ignore it:

1. A new guy is super involved in her life.

A new guy is super involved in her life

Because what is cheating, but focusing on another person more than on your partner?

“Me and [guy] are meeting up!”, “I had so much fun with [guy] today!”, “OMG! You won’t believe what [guy] did!”—have you been hearing things of this nature?

This is a sign of another person’s involvement in your partner’s life, and like it or not, it might escalate things (if it hasn’t already).

Keeping things a secret is a red flag, but being open about spending so much of her time together with him isn’t any better either.

She wants you to think this guy is just a friend, hence not a threat to the integrity of your relationship, or even worse, she started falling for him but hasn’t realized it yet.

2. She gives you less of her time but makes it seem as if she’s too busy.

Cheaters will start slowly pulling away by spending less time with you and making it seem as if they are too busy. This is the first step towards an inevitable breakup.

The key to telling whether she’s actually busy or faking it is to know whether she’s giving *everyone* the same treatment.

If she’s too busy to reply to your text but not another guy’s, she’s most likely seeing him.

3. She never says “I love you” anymore.

When your partner stops telling you she loves you, then it usually means 3 things.

  • You’ve made her upset;
  • Her feelings for you have disappeared;
  • She’s cheating.

It’s your call. 

If she stopped telling you she loves you abruptly, for no reason, then it might be the cheater’s guilt stopping her from saying it.

4. Her phone rings up, she sees it, and gets up to leave the room.

Her phone rings up, she sees it, and gets up to leave the room

Does your girlfriend or wife often get up to leave the room whenever she receives a text or call?

When people do this, it’s usually because they don’t want their partner to know who’s calling or texting, which is their affair partner.

She can’t have you peeking over her shoulder and finding out.

5. She doesn’t feel like getting physical anymore.

Having learned the non-affectionate way of speaking (the lack of I love yous and compliments) is a sign of cheating, keep in mind that so is the absence of physicality.

If she stopped wanting to give you hugs, kisses, cuddles, or get in bed with you, she might be doing these things with someone else.

That’s only if she’s a remorseful cheater though. A habitual cheater won’t feel bad about giving this kind of attention to multiple people simultaneously.

6. Secrets never end with her.

Keeping secrets about mundane things like where she went last night or with whom is a bad sign in this aspect; your partner is hiding the details of her affair.

By not telling you anything, she’s concealing her affair while also preventing telling you more than she should…something a bad liar would do.

A person who’s good at lying, however, will have no issues coming up with a convincing lie there and then.

7. Spending a lot of time on her phone + keeping her phone on silent is a bad combo.

It’s simple math: the more time she spends on her phone and the more secretive she is about it, the more suspicious things are.

Cheaters usually communicate with each other on their phones (seeing how it’s more discreet), so if she is cheating, your partner will have most likely put her phone on silent as well.

8. Her personality is dry…but only with you.

Her personality is dry…but only with you

She is a social butterfly whenever she’s out with other people—she chats, laughs, and has fun until she comes home to you.

Sounds familiar? This is her way of letting you know she wants to break free and seek the attention of other people.

9. She argues for no reason at all.

Cheaters’ emotions are a MESS, and they usually show it by starting arguments over the most insignificant matters. 

For some unfaithful people, arguing is their way of feeling better by making their partners look bad; some even want to be broken up with.

And some are looking for ways to storm out on their partners and go meet up with their lovers.

10. Distant, closed-off body language.

If she’s guilty, look no further than her body language as it should be very distant by now.

  • No eye contact;
  • Staying in a distance;
  • Unimpressed facial expressions;
  • Facing away from you.

People usually cheat because they’ve gained feelings for someone else, so they’ll stay physically as far away as possible from their s.o.

Another thing with eye contact is that it’s correlated with lying—she’s afraid of being found out so she’ll avoid looking you in the eye.

11. She is, or at least acts, jealous.

If she’s accusing you of cheating out of nowhere (jokingly or not) then don’t ignore it; cheaters are paranoid about their partners taking revenge.

She thinks you found out about her sleeping with someone else and are returning the favor, so she’s keeping a closer eye on you.

Pretty ironic for unfaithful people to be doing this.

12. She doesn’t want you out in public with her.

She doesn’t want you out in public with her

When a cheater declines your offer of tagging along with them, it usually means they were going to meet up with their affair partner instead of whatever excuse they told you.

And if you noticed your girlfriend/wife has started going out less in public with you, that’s her trying to avoid being seen with different men, by other people.

13. She reactivates her Tinder account and updates her profile.

She reactivates her Tinder aount and updates her profile

This sign can be a bit more difficult to spot if she has hidden her Tinder profile from you or your mutual friends or family.

On the other hand, she might have created a fake profile and that would be a bit harder to find out.

  • But, if you use Swindler Buster, you’ll be able to find out even with her name, surname, or just her phone number.
  • All you need is to fill in this information and just click search.

If you notice that she has a Tinder profile and her information

14. You have to practically beg for her time and attention.

Having to double-text her just so that you can get her to respond to you is a red flag that shall not be ignored! 

She might be ignoring you although she’s online and able to reach out, which is usually caused by your partner giving attention to someone else.

Don’t ignore her new tendency to avoid spending time with you because it is one of the most obvious signs of cheating—remember, it all starts with pulling away.

15. You saw dating apps on her phone.

Swiping on dating apps has become a popular way of cheating because it makes meeting new people accessible.

If Tinder is installed on her phone, then she most likely has a Tinder profile…not guaranteed, but it is a possibility.

To find this out, view the full list of the Installed Apps on her phone (should be located in Settings).

16. She’s been receiving gifts from someone else.

You can pass this off as her being good friends with someone to the point they gift each other stuff, but let’s consider something:

Are those gifts being given to her by someone she’s not that close with, or at least someone she doesn’t talk about often?

If you answered yes, then chances are he is someone she’s intimate with, but aiming to keep a secret.

17. She has no intentions of growing old with you.

She has no intentions of growing old with you

Player alert! Has your partner stopped including you in her future and completely removed “us” from her vocabulary?

This sign applies to non-married couples; an unfaithful person would avoid giving false hope to their partner in this context because they want to continue seeing other people.

Commitment scares the living daylight out of cheaters.

18. She cancels on you for other people.

Or specifically, one particular person—if she keeps flaking on you last minute and every single time, she could either be feeling like staying in or making plans with someone else.

Regardless, putting someone first other than your partner is shady. Some things are “reserved” for your significant other, in a sense:

  • Going on dates;
  • Prioritizing their needs over others’;
  • Giving attention, and so on.

If she’s giving the girlfriend treatment to another person, then she might as well be cheating.

19. She started dressing up more often and getting mood swings.

The thing with some cheaters (who don’t put much effort into their looks) is that they start dressing up when seeing other people.

So, if your girlfriend has suddenly started doing her makeup and buying new clothes, this could be it!

But, let’s take a break from the outside and look at the inside…the personality of a person greatly changes once they start cheating.

You might have noticed your girlfriend or wife having mood swings more often, especially when you’re vocal about your suspicions.

  • Getting angry over the smallest things and even storming out of the house after every argument is a sign your partner is feeling guilty to some degree.

– How does an affair progress?

How affairs start and end varies from person to person.

That being said, some are short-lived (lasting a couple of days), and some lead to marriage (no more than 7%, according to Dr. Kathy Nickerson).

But what all affairs have in common, that I see not a lot of people know, is how they progress.

Stage 1: 

This is how it all begins—your girlfriend or wife meets someone they’ll be conducting an affair with in the future, unknowingly or not.

It could be a co-worker, friend (usually the case), classmate, or neighbor…there’s honestly no telling with unplanned affairs.

Stage 2:

Your partner notices she and this person are hitting it off and starts wanting to spend increasingly more time with them.

This stage is where some, but not all of the signs start appearing, such as your partner spending more time on her phone.

She’s cold, distant, and busy, but in reality, another person is slowly making their way into her heart.

Stage 3:

The affair has begun, whether it be physical or emotional.

Your partner went from flirting innocently to full-on cheating on you due to her new-found feelings for this person.

This is the stage where she starts going out often and coming home late, keeping secrets from you, and dissociating from the relationship.

You argue every other day and the word “breakup” is tossed around a lot.

But, it all depends on her.

She could be emotionally or physically cheating, and depending on that, she should be behaving in a very distinct way. 

Emotional cheaters tend to emotionally close off from their partners and open up to their affair partner instead; physical cheaters, however, usually stay away from home for longer periods.

What I’m trying to get at is that no cheater is the same, hence I’m urging you to assess your partner’s personality beforehand.

Once you do that, you’ll have no problems finding out the truth.

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