Just when we think we caught them, cheaters have one last card up their sleeves: lying.
Cheaters are infamous for every word that comes out of their mouths being a lie—they think they’re so slick with it.
However, they’re not.
We can almost instantly tell if someone’s lying about cheating with these 22 verbal and non-verbal clues:
1. Liars have a tendency to repeat questions before answering them!
When asked a question, liars tend to repeat it before answering—this gives them more time to formulate their lie and put back a believable story.
For example, if you ask your partner where they were the whole night, there’s a good chance that you’ll hear your question back:
“Where I was? Uhm…”
2. They often stumble on their words.
Because a cheater’s brain is constantly trying to cook up an excuse to get them out of confrontation, they usually stumble on their words.
They stutter, make mistakes, and have an overall really confusing speech while you’re confronting them about something iffy they did.
3. Cheaters who lie will repeatedly get their own story wrong.
Watch out for inconsistencies—believe me, there will be A LOT of them.
When people lie a certain amount, they will eventually rat themselves out by getting their stories mixed up!
When you ask them clever questions, they will eventually slip up.
If, say, the first time they told you they went to a restaurant with friends, when asked again, they might say they went to the movies.
It’s hard keeping up with dishonesty.
4. Their manipulating/gaslighting personality will make an appearance for sure.
It gets clear we’re being lied to the moment someone starts manipulating and/or gaslighting us—it’s no different with cheaters.
They will make it seem as if something did not happen (even though it clearly did) to try and distract you!
Your partner might try to bring up something you did in an attempt to turn the tables and shift the blame. Once you fall for it, it’s over.
Another example would be them downplaying their actions: “I didn’t cheat! Doing that does not mean anything!”.
5. Distinct speech patterns!
If your partner is lying about how loyal they are, as they’re talking they may sound quite different.
- Different tone;
- Different words and phrases;
- Avoiding negative talk;
- Constant pausing.
Differences in speech patterns can all be linked to infidelity and deception.
This is them overthinking what they’re going to say next and how they’re presenting themselves; a cheater’s brain is being overworked, and their mouth can’t keep up!
6. Too intense and very little contact are both clues that your partner is lying.
It can sound illogical, but let me explain!
It’s an old tale that liars have a hard time keeping eye contact—and that’s true, some liars do their best to avoid it as they feel very anxious.
However, they know we know and that’s why they look at us straight on when they lie.
It’s confusing, I know. So I’ll leave this up to your better judgment.
7. They’re unusually quiet.
To avoid saying something they’ll later regret, cheaters choose to stay quiet.
They don’t explain themselves or try to assure you, aside from one or two measly “I didn’t cheat!”
Also, one thing I’ve noticed is that when cheaters are quiet, they break their silence to correct you:
For example, if you know the whole story, when you tell your s.o., purposely get a few of the facts wrong to see if they correct you.
“You were talking to, like, 5 people, weren’t you?”
Because you made their actions sound worse than they were, your partner will jump on the opportunity to correct you, while also exposing themselves!
8. Cheaters also become excessively defensive.
Just keep in mind that it’s normal even for innocent people to do this—they are trying to defend themselves, after all!
Unfortunately, they and dishonest people have this in common.
Liars often refuse to hold themselves accountable and cooperate; they often criticize their partners for what they’re doing.
Defensiveness is how cheaters protect themselves.
9. If they’re lying, they will hesitate before each sentence.
Take any suspiciously long delays as a sign they’re lying: once again, they’re trying to knit the perfect, false story to convince you they’re innocent!
If you recently confronted your significant other and they frequently paused after each sentence, it’s very likely your suspicions are correct.
The truth doesn’t take forever to remember—it comes instantly.
10. Liars feel the need to give too many details.
Quantity over quality is what they think, in a sense.
They believe that the more they overexplain themselves, the more believable they’ll sound.
If your s.o. is lying about cheating, the next time you suspect they’re telling you a fishy story, see if they add any unnecessary details.
“I was just out with [friend 1] and [friend 2], I swear. We went bowling and caught a movie. Oh my God, you should’ve seen what [friend 2] did! He spilled all of his popcorn on a person wearing a blue shirt!”
You get what I mean!
11. Or they give no details at all.
I’ll be contradicting myself a bit here, but I can’t help it—cheaters are very confusing.
If they’re not overexplaining, they’re underexplaining themselves.
To refrain from revealing their secret, your partner might not give a lot of details, or none at all.
Your curiosity is shot down almost instantly!
12. Their answers are incredibly vague—liars lean towards obscurity.
“ I don’t know”, “I don’t remember”, “Maybe” and other identical phrases you might’ve heard if your partner is lying.
It’s not that they actually forgot or don’t know (they were present when it happened), they’re purposely dodging clarity for 2 reasons:
They don’t want to reveal everything and they find being unclear easier than telling lies.
If you have none, their vagueness will serve as pretty good proof.
13. Hostility is common with lying cheaters.
Aggressiveness is common.
- Refusing to answer anything;
- Brushing off;
- Rudeness, etc.
If your significant other is cheating on you (but lying about it) when you question them about where they went and what they did, they will get triggered.
It’s sort of a fight or flight response—your partner recognizes they’re about to be busted, so they’re choosing to be aggressive.
14. It’s an interesting observation, but cheaters avoid using the “I” pronoun!
This is something that tends to go over our heads: a liar trying to estrange themselves from their lies.
Let’s say we want to ask a partner why they went to a club one night—their explanation could be something like:
“The club was pretty fun. [their friends] wanted to go there and hang out for a little bit. Nothing else.”
15. They suddenly start telling you they love you and how grateful they are—aka pleading.
If your partner suddenly starts showing a crazy amount of affection to you after you made your suspicions known, consider it pleading.
Spoiling is their last resort to get you to trust them again and to make thoughts of them cheating disappear!
Your partner wants you to think that there’s no way a person who loves you this much would ever do anything to hurt you.
16. They start insulting the person you suspect they’re seeing behind your back.
The reason you think your partner is cheating is most likely because they’re too close with a friend, co-worker, classmate, etc.
So you probably asked if there was anything going on between those two.
Your partner probably denied it profusely—everything is normal until this point.
What’s not normal, however, is if they took it upon themselves to degrade that person.
Taking a jab at their looks or personality: this is a manipulation tactic used to convince you that they would never get with that person (even though in reality they are seeing each other).
17. Their body language is a pivotal clue: e.g. fidgeting.
Let’s take a dive into body language territory! Non-verbal clues are just as important in catching cheaters.
Let’s take fidgeting as an example.
Guilty people may unconsciously start fidgeting—this habit usually indicates that they’re feeling impatient or nervous.
- Constantly fixing clothes/hair;
- Playing with nearby objects;
- Adjusting items, etc.
18. Neck-touching, according to studies!
Study on non-verbal signals of guilt shows that neck touching is often associated with guilt.
If you and your partner are having a discussion about them having possibly cheated, see if they repeatedly touch their neck/face.
19. Similarly to that, see if your s.o.’s body language looks like this:
- They keep their arms crossed;
- They keep moving around a lot and looking around;
- They’re facing away from you;
- Anxious/uncomfortable body language;
- Their lips are pursed;
- Their mouth says one thing, but their body says another (e.g. answering “No” while nodding).
Do base your argument on your partner’s body language—cheaters often lie, but their bodies are honest!
20. Their facial expressions will tell you a lot too.
If you’re great at reading faces, use that power to your advantage!
If it looks like your partner is:
- Sad, and feeling other negative emotions, they may be lying.
Just like with bodies, people’s faces are quite sincere—it would take a professional liar to be able to manipulate their appearance to this extent.
21. Once a liar, always a liar!
After a while, it’s really hard to trust a lying partner, especially if they lie to you daily.
But this is kind of the whole point—if your partner is a serial liar, then there’s a high possibility that they’re doing it again.
22. No matter what they say, if your partner’s behavior has changed, there’s still a chance they’re cheating.
Actions do speak louder than words in this aspect: if your significant other says they aren’t doing something, but act as if they are, then it’s only fair to trust their actions.
- Coming home late;
- Not picking up your calls;
- Refusing to answer questions;
- Chatting other people up;
- Distancing themselves from you (physically and mentally);
- Denying you access to their phone if they’re acting suspicious with it, etc., are all concerning signs.
Cheaters act in a specific way—their actions define them.
What do cheaters say when confronted?
It helps to know what cheaters’ by-the-book responses are when we confront them—we won’t be deceived if we know all of their tricks.
And those tricks are exactly what I’m here to show you!
Cheaters may be hostile—it could be guilt, shame, or regret, but who knows?
Expect phrases like:
- “Where I was and what I did is none of your business.”, or:
- “You always do this! I’m tired of it.”.
Cheaters love driving you crazy and convincing you something isn’t true—don’t be surprised you hear something along these lines:
- “What?! That absolutely never happened! Are you feeling okay?”
Show them the proof you’ve got and see how they react! If you suspect they’re using dating sites, all it takes is one search to get proof:
Now, whether a cheater actually believes what they did is no biggie, or if they’re just trying to convince you it’s not, expect a bit of downplaying.
- “It happened only once!”
- “It was just a picture, nothing more.”
- “It wasn’t anything serious, I swear.”
– Ignoring/not making an effort to defend themselves:
Nothing else stings more after catching a cheater than them being nonchalant about it.
They may ignore their significant other and/or not even try to explain their actions.
To think that unfaithful people have the nerve to blame their partners for what they did…heartbreaking.
This happens pretty frequently though, and it’s important to recognize the pattern.
- “It’s not my fault we haven’t been doing stuff lately. Besides, [the other person] came onto me first!”.
– And finally, pleading:
An inconsiderate, yet remorseful cheater won’t leave, instead, they will try their luck pleading with you: telling you they love you and how sorry they are.
They’ll give you a sad story about how they don’t want to lose you and how grateful they are for having such an amazing partner.
The psychology behind lying and cheating is an interesting one…
It’s like a 2-piece combo that keeps getting worse and worse.
When we think about it, a cheater is also a liar by default, it’s just that when they get confronted, they have no other choice left but to twist the truth.
If you unknowingly had the (dis)pleasure of getting with a cheater, study them to prevent getting hurt and disrespected.
You got this!