Usually, we can distinguish a cheating partner from a faithful one solely based on our gut feeling.
Proof or not, that feeling knows how to make us restless! Nonetheless, that feeling is trying to tell us something.
If this is the case with you and your partner, then there surely must be a reason why you’re suspecting them, even though there’s no concrete evidence:
Here’s the proper thing to do if you think your wife is cheating but have no evidence to prove it!
1. Do not, I repeat, do not let her know she’s a suspect!
You can go about this in 2 ways: you can tell your wife that you’re catching on, or you can keep it a secret.
Being open with her about this is respectable, however, if she is cheating, being aware of your suspicions will make her stealthier.
Meaning that you’ll have an even harder time finding out if she is having an affair or not!
Keep things low-key:
- Your suspicions;
- Your behavior;
- Your investigation.
Don’t tell her she’s a suspect and don’t be eccentric out of spite—if you’re considering tailing her, do your best to avoid being found out.
This way your spouse won’t need to go the extra mile to hide her adulterous activities.
2. Have a self-reflection session just in case you’re paranoid.
Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship knows that being paranoid happens—defining if we’re being unreasonable or not is the point.
Take a moment to ask yourself, “Are these suspicions a result of my partner’s behavior, or mine?”.
For instance, if you have trust issues and a history of being mistreated by past partners, then that could be the cause.
As explained by GoodTherapy, a sign of trust issues is mistrust in other relationships—this sadly plays a big role in a person’s life.
If you love this person and you want to do everything to save your marriage, it’s important to discern the difference between past influences, and present, justified ones!
3. However, if that is not what’s happening, ask yourself: “Is my wife different from how she used to be?”.
Cheaters considerably change, and that’s what usually signifies that something is wrong.
If your spouse is indeed behaving differently, then your suspicions have a solid foundation.
Changes in your physical and emotional connection, for one, are usually strong indicators of infidelity.
Once you confirm that you aren’t losing your mind and that she is actually acting suspiciously, the next step would be recognizing a cheater’s pattern!
4. Recognize the potential signs that suggest your partner has started cheating!
If you have no proof that your wife is cheating, then know that you can support your argument on signs that pertain to cheaters.
Because cheating is hard to hide in different aspects (emotional, physical, habitual, etc.), this kind of behavior is reliable enough proof:
- A cheater is very secretive with their phone;
- At times, you can’t get a hold of their cell;
- If they haven’t before, once they start cheating, they will take care of their appearance;
- They go out and decline to tell you anything about their outing;
- They’re “busy”;
- They get close to particular people;
- They stop (or intensify) wanting to have sex;
- A cheater will seem out of it at all times;
- A growth in emotional distance is common as well;
- They cancel plans with you but not with other people.
This is how cheaters typically (but subconsciously) give cues to their partner—interestingly enough, these cues are what initially give people suspicions!
No matter how cautious your wife is, she’ll eventually start acting like a true cheater does, you only need to be up-to-date with the signs.
5. Take note of all the fishy people in her life.
Research conducted by the University of Colorado Boulder shows that a little over half of those who have reported affairs claimed to have cheated with someone they knew very well, such as a friend (53.5%);
29.4% of people cheated with someone they somewhat knew, such as a co-worker, neighbor, or another acquaintance—the rest are all casual.
What I’m trying to say is that no one can be trusted, thus you need to keep an eye out for the people in your significant other’s life.
- Someone she’s always calling and texting;
- They are too close to each other (and might even behave inappropriately, such as “jokingly” flirting);
- She spends a lot of time with that person;
- It could also be someone new that despite their close “friendship”, she never talks about them or introduces you two.
Take note of any similar acquaintances in your wife’s life: if there is someone like that, they’re most likely her affair partner.
6. Has her schedule changed? Verify that what she’s saying aligns with it.
If your wife says that she’s going to be working late at night with her colleague on an important project, call her office and verify that that’s true.
Or if she says that she’s going out with her pals, call them up!
Lying is something cheaters do, but because they can’t let other people in on their affairs (friends and co-workers in this case), their lies can be debunked.
If her schedule has so drastically changed to the point she’s always on the go (but you don’t buy it), one quick call will do the trick.
7. Come home early! Or at least earlier than your wife was expecting.
In case she’s been cheating at home, the next time your gut tells you she’s up to no good, go home early.
If you’re a workaholic, she might be seeing that as an opening to bring other people over—to know for sure, you’re going to have to investigate.
Tell her you’ll be coming home later than usual one night, but instead 1) you can hide nearby, or 2) arrive earlier than intended.
Just keep in mind that if you try this once and you see nothing dubious, it doesn’t automatically mean that she’s not cheating.
8. Look into methods you can use to gain evidence that your wife is cheating.
If you think she’s cheating but acknowledge the fact that confronting her without proof isn’t the best idea, then I agree.
So, why not gather evidence first? This will solve our dilemma!
You can enter here your Wife’s name and other information and see the results if it brings any dating profiles something up.
There are different ways you can see if she’s cheating, like:
- Installing spy apps on her phone;
- Using third-party apps to see if she’s on dating sites;
- Hiring a private investigator;
- Checking your wife’s phone;
- Following her when she goes out, etc.
And I’m not going to beat around the bush and say this okay—it’s very toxic and you should proceed with caution!
Nonetheless, it’s the only way to get proof, which will prove to be useful later in the story.
9. Does she have a past of cheating? If she does, then you need to study her pattern.
If she has cheated on you once, then learn the pattern:
- How she acts when she cheats, and;
- Who she cheats with.
E.g. if she’s cheated on you in the past with one of her exes, then keep an eye on her and the ex in question—do they keep in touch?
Also, if she started behaving the same way she would back when she cheated (staying on her phone the whole time, for example), the past could be repeating itself.
When you notice similarities, consider taking matters into your own hands and getting to the bottom of this!
Unfortunately with cheaters, if it’s happened once it will probably happen again.
10. If you’re suspecting her to this degree, you can attempt to trick her into admitting she’s cheating!
Not too morally righteous, but it may work.
A cheater’s mission in life is to hide their affairs, hence they would never confess from the kindness of their heart.
This is why we sometimes have to trick them into admitting to what they’ve been doing—here, let me illustrate how:
1. You can make it seem as if you already know your wife’s unfaithful, by confronting her about it and saying something like “I know you’ve been cheating on me. I want to know everything.”
2. When she returns home late at night, after not picking up your calls, don’t let it be. Ask her questions and make her repeat her story—if she constantly changes it, then she’s lying.
3. Tricky questions might reveal her true personality as well—saying something like “My friend saw you with this man. Who is he?” (even if that’s true or not) will make her break down.
These are only some examples of the many ways you can trick a cheater into confessing!
11. Talk to your wife—ask her if she’s cheating.
I know that in the beginning, I said that you mustn’t notify a cheater you’re suspicious of them as they’ll stay alert—and it’s true!
But keeping quiet about important issues is not everybody’s thing; if you think that communication is the solution (or it’s the only one left), then talk to your spouse.
- Be calm;
- Don’t accuse her;
- Avoid insulting her at all costs;
- Be understanding and encouraging.
Why not a lot of people choose to talk to a potential cheater is clear: cheaters lie.
There’s a very small chance that you’ll be told the truth if she is cheating, but if she’s not, you’ll be glad you confronted her.
The air will be cleared and your marriage will be taken to the next level—what was bothering you before this will most likely be fixed.
12. If she won’t admit to cheating no matter what, don’t push it.
She’s either cheating and lying about it, or not cheating at all, one thing’s for certain though: pushing it will have a negative effect.
Seeing you this persistent will make your spouse less likely to confess as she wouldn’t feel safe and understood—unless you have proof, you two will go back in circles.
This exact reason is why it’s highly preferred to have proof before confronting a cheater.
How to ask your partner if they’re cheating: An overlook.
Asking a partner if they’re cheating is tough: the truth isn’t guaranteed, but if the truth is yes, it’s going to be hard to hear.
Regardless, it needs to be done to know where two people stand in a relationship or marriage.
- I always recommend being calm, understanding (as understanding as one can be in this situation), sincere, and straightforward.
You can say, “I have been having some doubts because of [the reason you doubt your partner] and I would like to hear your say on it. Have you been seeing someone else? Tell me everything.”
- This is pretty much the formula: Point A is easing into the topic, Point B is why you think this way, Point C is encouragement, and Point D is frankness.
Aside from the way you present yourself, it’s important to know what to say:
- You should be clear about you already knowing everything—this makes the cheater think that there’s no point in hiding anything anymore.
- Give the floor to your partner: allow them to fill in the blanks and confess everything.
- Talk about how you found out (if you have proof) or what your reasons for believing this are (if you don’t have proof).
- Ask questions: but only necessary ones that will somehow be of help.
- Avoid being rude; also avoid accusing a partner if you have no evidence.
- And of course, think together about where your relationship/marriage is headed.
If you think your wife cheated but she denies it, then there’s not much you can do.
I’ve been raving this whole time about the significance of having proof, but without it, not a lot can be done
Your wife could be telling the truth, or she could be telling you nothing but falsehoods—if she denies it, you’ll have to take her word for it…for now!
But always go with your gut and don’t ignore a partner’s suspicious behavior—alternatively, if these doubts are coming on your end, consider couple’s therapy.
Regardless of what your course of action is, always remember that all of your feelings are valid.