Looking through a partner’s phone has become so common—what for?
We’ve all been tempted to, at least once in our lifetime. I mean, just what on earth is he doing with his phone?
As frequent as snooping on a significant other’s phone has become, we can’t take away from how controversial it is.
Is it ever okay to check your partner’s phone? Let’s explore the answer together!
Generally speaking, is it ok to go through your partner’s phone?
The answer is no; It’s not okay to go through your partner’s phone. There’s rarely a good time to invade another person’s privacy—especially a partner’s.
Snooping on a partner’s devices, I would say, is the unhealthiest way to go about things.
The need to do so hints at unresolved relationship issues—issues that should be taken care of in proper ways.
I know that sometimes curiosity gets the best of us, but the constant need to spy on a partner is a sign of distrust.
Healthier steps can and should be taken regarding this, and checking a partner’s phone isn’t exactly “healthy” for a relationship.
When we carefully think about it, we wouldn’t be okay with a partner doing the same to us—so why would they approve of this?
In general, it’s not okay to go through anyone’s phone without their permission, and doing so could have repercussions.
Times when looking through a partner’s phone is absolutely not okay!
As we probably guessed, there are more cons than pros in this case; there’s rarely a good reason to check your boyfriend’s phone.
It all boils down to the fact that phones are many people’s staple of privacy.
Something that should never be compromised.
As tempting as the need to check his phone might be, keep in mind that, usually, doing so is unacceptable.
Here are 6 instances when looking through your boyfriend’s phone is wrong!
1. When you don’t have his permission.
Of course, going through his phone without his permission and knowledge is wrong.
By doing this, both his trust and boundaries are being betrayed by—essentially—the one person he thought would never hurt him.
There are times when couples willingly share each other’s devices; unless that’s the case, no action should be taken.
I know your instincts are telling you to just go for it, but if we think rationally, checking his phone without his permission will do more harm than good.
Being caught will cause your relationship to take a huge step back—if it doesn’t end, that is.
2. When you’ve made an unhealthy habit out of it.
If checking your partners’ phones is a habit of yours, then you may have unresolved trust issues.
And because of that, your partner—whose infidelity has yet to be proven—will end up getting hurt.
You’re most likely feeling this way due to something that has happened in the past.
It’s fairly common and I can’t blame you—past events tend to influence present decisions for us all.
Having been treated unfairly in the past makes people question their partners’ feelings and intentions.
However, acting upon those thoughts will further promote unhealthy coping mechanisms at the expense of others.
3. When your partner shows no signs of unfaithfulness.
This is another time when it’s unacceptable to snoop on a partner’s phone: when you have no reason to.
Meanwhile, the justified need to do a bit of snooping is understandable, doing so without a reason is not okay.
I’m talking about a partner who doesn’t act suspicious and isn’t the type to partake in unfaithful activities.
If your boyfriend isn’t acting suspicious, yet you still want to check his devices, that could, again, be a hint of unresolved trust issues.
He’s acting normal, and even being open with you—yet, he’s not being trusted and his privacy is being compromised.
That’s enough to hurt him and the relationship.
4. When he’s expressed his disapproval of it.
It’s no surprise that people hate it when their partner goes through their phone.
And whether that’s because they’re actually cheating, or just don’t want their space invaded, the mass hates this type of controlling behavior.
If checking your boyfriend’s phone means crossing his boundaries, I highly suggest you don’t do it.
Most people value their privacy and won’t tolerate people who put it at risk—especially loved ones.
Don’t look through his phone if you know he won’t appreciate it; if he’s even expressed his dislike of behavior like this, that’s all you need to know.
5. When you’re looking to self-sabotage.
If you’re thinking of going through your partner’s phone for the sole purpose of sabotaging your happiness, don’t do it.
You may be looking for ways to keep yourself “in check” by allowing yourself to get hurt—that, or it’s a defense mechanism.
Self-sabotaging is a set of conscious or unconscious behavior that stuns one’s success—they usually derive from trauma, low self-esteem, and other negative emotions that may or may not be connected to the fear of failure.
According to Talkspace, self-sabotaging is also a form of self-protection.
If, say, a person is afraid of being hurt and/or abandoned, they may feel the need to sabotage themselves and the relationship to protect themselves from hurt.
And in this case, it looks as if we’re looking for ways to wreck the relationship—prying any sort of information that gives us the green light to give up.
As a result, we overthink and react irrationally.
We try to search for any sort of clue of betrayal, even when there is none.
Though this type of thinking isn’t easy to contain, there is never too late to ask for help!
6. When your intention is interfering with your partner’s friendships.
I cannot stress this enough: going through your partner’s phone because you want to cut his contact with female acquaintances is wrong.
Nobody wants their partner to be too close to others; the realization that a partner has contact with other people can inflict doubts.
Still, we can’t just ruin their social life by prohibiting them from talking to female acquaintances—that’ll make both of you miserable.
If you’re thinking of giving his female friends a piece of your mind or even blocking them through his phone, that’s toxic.
I don’t recommend behaving similarly under any circumstances.
The only time when going through your partner’s phone is acceptable!
The only time when checking a partner’s phone is acceptable is when you have permission to do so.
Whether it’s become your and your partner’s habit to exchange devices, or if he gave it to you, remember: permission is important.
This way, he knows what is happening and what to expect—you don’t need to do anything behind his back.
Related, a partner sharing their devices is usually a green flag as it shows they have nothing to hide.
They value the trust and would do anything to maintain it.
A breakdown of phone snooping: why is going through your partner’s phone wrong?
I’m glad you asked!
There are many reasons why checking a significant other’s phone is considered problematic.
Unless permission is granted, I can’t imagine one scenario in which doing this plays out well.
Not only that, there are many reasons and setbacks; your partner and relationship will end up getting hurt.
To put it into perspective, let me show you the reasons why going through your partner’s phone is a bad idea.
– There are other healthier ways to find out the truth: Swindlerbuster.
The most common reason why people feel the need to snoop on their partners’ devices tends to be the lack of trust.
Doubts such as who are they talking to, whether they are using dating apps, or whether they are being unfaithful tend to play a large role in the level of trust.
About one of these doubts, Swindlerbuster got your back!
It takes one simple search to find out if your partner is using dating sites or apps. You don’t have to go through their devices!
– Your partner’s trust will be broken.
This goes without saying!
If your partner finds out his phone has been messed with, chances are he won’t trust you the same.
He might view this as you betraying his trust and going as far as invading his private space without permission.
And doubling down on it, he’s going to feel hurt by the fact you trust him so little.
Trust goes both ways, after all—he won’t be feeling comfortable anymore knowing you went against your better judgment.
– A serious invasion of privacy.
Going through somebody else’s phone, aside from being toxic, is also a serious invasion of privacy.
In some countries, it’s even illegal.
As I said, for most people, phones are private; they don’t want others as much as peeking into their phone, let alone going through it.
And this isn’t necessarily related to unfaithfulness—people don’t want their privacy invaded for different (understandable) reasons.
Maybe they have important information there or have talked about deep, confidential topics.
A lot of people also keep private details (credit card info, passwords, work-related matters, etc) on their phones.
So, there’s that too.
At the end of the day, nobody feels comfortable having their privacy violated by a partner or anyone else.
– Your partner can tell you’ve checked his phone.
The chances of your partner realizing you’ve looked through his phone are high—like, really high.
Traces are almost always left behind that alarm the other person their phone has been messed with.
If you’re not careful enough and change something on his phone, he will know.
But even with maximum caution, it’s really hard leaving somebody else’s phone in the same condition you picked it up.
– Getting caught will most likely have a negative outcome.
Following up on what we just talked about, being found out will also impact the relationship negatively.
It could even result in a breakup.
To a lot of people, this is unacceptable—especially in a relationship.
If their boundaries have been crossed, chances are they’ll also have a change of heart and opinion.
And rightfully so; certain things cross people’s lines and hurt them greatly, making them rethink the whole relationship.
– It hints at unresolved relationship issues that need sorting out more healthily.
If you feel the need to spy on your partner’s devices, then that’s not a good sign.
It could be because of your partner’s past, hurtful behavior that you know can’t seem to shake off this feeling.
Trust issues start manifesting themselves in rocky relationships, making us do questionable things.
And one of those things is phone snooping.
The need to monitor your boyfriend’s devices is a sign of other things that need resolving in your relationship.
Just know, phone snooping won’t help them. A genuine and open conversation will.
– It’s going to make you feel uneasy.
Looking through your partner’s phone will most likely leave you feeling uneasy in many ways—here’s what I mean!
The guilt of knowing what you did will burden you: you might start feeling paranoid about whether your partner will find out or not.
You might start feeling bad about what you’ve done.
Also, what you find there will make you overthink and assume about innocent situations.
You may start making a big deal about things that don’t matter.
– It promotes toxicity in a relationship.
Checking a partner’s phone is, without a doubt, toxic.
And doing that will only promote toxicity in the relationship.
Such unhealthy behavior opens the gateway for more inappropriate actions in the relationship.
It wrecks down communication and leaves no space for healthy problem-solving.
Why do people feel the need to go through their SO’s phones?
Well, for many reasons—mostly because of a lack of trust!
I’m talking about:
- Paranoia;
- Low self-esteem;
- Partner’s inappropriate past behavior (e.g. cheating);
- Trust issues;
- New, changed behavior;
- And suspicions of cheating.
As we can see, most of the reasons come from the fear of disloyalty, heartbreak, and/or past trauma.
Give it a longer thought: do I want to go through with this?
If you’re thinking of going through your partner’s phone, I would suggest giving the whole idea a longer thought.
Ask yourself:
“Why do I want to do this? Whose fault is this? What would happen if I went through with this and what other alternatives are there?”
Phone snooping is no small deal and it could even cost you your relationship.
Think it through before taking action! There are way better alternatives to go about your doubts.