Catching your boyfriend on a dating app is never a good feeling. It can send your heart racing and your mind spiraling with questions.

Why is he even on there? What does it mean for your relationship?

Before jumping to conclusions, let’s break it down. Here are 13 possible reasons why he’s still using dating sites—plus what you can do about it.

1. Your relationship isn’t exclusive yet.

Have you and your boyfriend had the exclusivity talk?

An exclusive relationship means both partners agree not to see other people. According to Clinical Psychologist Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, exclusivity is a natural step toward deeper commitment.

If you haven’t made it official, he may feel he’s within his rights to keep using dating apps. While most people know it’s hurtful to act in ways that seem unfaithful, some look for loopholes.

When exclusivity is clearly established, both partners are more likely to act in a committed, respectful way.

But if your relationship is still new and undefined, he may see it as a trial period—keeping his options open without feeling like he’s doing anything wrong.

2. He Wants as Many Options as Possible

Some men like to keep their options open—even when they say they like you.

If he’s still using dating sites despite being in a relationship with you, he may be unsure about your future together. He could be looking for a backup plan in case things don’t work out.

Unfortunately, this “always searching” mindset is common, and dating apps make it easier than ever. It’s a low-effort, low-risk way for him to explore other possibilities without fully committing.

The harsh truth? If he’s still swiping, he doesn’t see you as a priority.

3. He’s Curious and Thinks He Can Do Better

If he’s still on dating apps, he might be wondering if there’s someone better out there.

Curiosity can be a dangerous thing in relationships. He may just want to see what’s available, but that mindset already shows he’s not fully invested in you. Even if he’s not physically cheating, emotional cheating starts with thoughts like:

• “I wonder if I can do better.”
• “What if I just try it once?”
• “If I were single, I’d have more options.”

Flirting or browsing “just for fun” may seem harmless to him, but it’s still disrespectful. If he’s entertaining the idea of being with someone else, he’s not prioritizing you.

4. He’s Bored and Craving Something New

Boredom might be the reason he’s back on dating sites.

For him, chatting with new people feels fresh, exciting, and different from his usual routine. It’s not about you being “boring”—it’s about his own immaturity.

Instead of communicating when he feels the spark fading, he’s looking for distractions elsewhere.

But relationships aren’t like video games—you don’t just move on when things feel repetitive. A mature partner works through boredom with you, not behind your back.

5. He No Longer Has Feelings for You

If he’s still on dating sites, it’s a major red flag.

The fact that he even has a profile should make you question his feelings. Someone who truly loves and values their partner wouldn’t be searching for other options.

If he’s actively using dating apps, he may have lost feelings for you—or never had them in the first place.

When someone is committed, hurting their partner isn’t even a thought. If he’s still looking, he’s not invested in your relationship.

6. He’s Not Active, But His Account Still Exists

Before jumping to conclusions, check if he’s actually using his dating profile.

There’s a chance his account is just sitting there, forgotten. Many people create dating profiles at some point and never think to delete them, especially if they’re no longer using them.

If he hasn’t logged in since you started dating, it’s likely just carelessness—not a red flag.

That said, it’s always good to have an open conversation. If it bothers you, let him know, and see how he responds. A committed partner won’t mind deleting an unused account to ease your concerns.

7. He Wants Validation and an Ego Boost

For some people, dating apps aren’t just about meeting someone—they’re about feeling wanted.

If your boyfriend is still on dating sites, he may be seeking compliments, matches, and attention to boost his ego. It makes him feel desirable and validated, even if he has no intention of meeting anyone.

This behavior often stems from low self-esteem or immaturity. Instead of seeking confidence within himself or from his relationship, he craves external validation from other women.

A secure and committed partner doesn’t need dating apps to feel good about themselves.

8. He Thinks His Needs Aren’t Being Met

Whether emotional or physical, he may feel like something is missing in the relationship—and instead of talking to you about it, he’s looking elsewhere.

Maybe he craves more attention, affection, or intimacy and believes he’s not getting enough from you. Instead of working through it together, he’s turning to dating apps to fill that void.

A mature partner communicates their needs rather than seeking temporary fixes with other people. If he’s resorting to dating sites instead of having an honest conversation, that’s a big red flag.

9. He’s a Player Who Wants to Date or Sleep with Other Women

If your boyfriend is still on dating apps, he might just be a player—someone who enjoys juggling multiple women with no real commitment.

If he has a history of playing the field, it’s not surprising that he’s still looking for more. He isn’t interested in being loyal to you or anyone else—he just wants to charm women and get them into bed.

For a player, one woman is never enough. Dating apps make it easier for him to cheat, flirt, and keep his options open while pretending to be committed. If he’s acting this way, he’s not boyfriend material.

10. He’s Already Planning to End the Relationship

If he’s thinking about breaking up, he may have already checked out emotionally—and dating apps are his way of easing into single life.

When someone plans to end a relationship, they stop putting in effort. His mindset might be, “I’m leaving anyway, so why not start looking now?” He may even be hoping you’ll find out, so you’ll end things for him and save him the trouble.

While this isn’t always the case, it’s worth considering. If he’s acting distant, uninterested, and careless about getting caught, he may have already made up his mind.

And if he’s too immature to communicate, you deserve better.

11. He’s Mindlessly Passing Time

Let’s give him one last benefit of the doubt—some people scroll through dating apps out of pure boredom, not with the intent to cheat.

Just like people scroll through social media without thinking, he might be browsing dating apps simply to pass the time or see familiar faces.

It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s looking for someone new—he may just be clueless about how it looks to you.

But here’s the question: Why a dating app instead of something else? If he doesn’t see how this could hurt you, it’s worth having a conversation. A committed partner should respect boundaries, even when they’re just “killing time.”

12. He’s Getting Back at You for Something You Did

It’s possible he’s on dating apps as a way to get revenge.

If he feels hurt—whether from being cheated on or discovering your old dating profiles—he may be using dating sites to even the score.

Revenge cheating is more common than you’d think, and for some, it’s a way to regain a sense of control and dignity after feeling betrayed.

That said, retaliation isn’t a healthy response. Instead of working through his feelings or talking to you, he’s choosing to hurt you back.

A relationship built on payback is already broken—real commitment requires communication, not revenge.

13. He’s Acting Out of Spite Due to Trust Issues

Sometimes, insecurity and overthinking can push someone to make bad decisions.

If he has trust issues, he might assume you are being unfaithful—even without proof. Instead of addressing his fears, he stays on dating sites as a “defense mechanism,” talking to other people to regain a sense of control.

This isn’t about you—it’s about his own insecurities. Rather than communicating, he’s trying to make you feel just as uncertain as he does.

But this kind of behavior doesn’t fix trust issues—it only destroys relationships. A mature partner works through their fears, not acts out of spite.

My Boyfriend Is Active on Dating Sites—What Should I Do?

So, you found out he’s still using dating apps—whether through SwindlerBuster or another way. Now what?

The hardest part isn’t discovering the truth—it’s deciding what to do next. You may feel lost, wondering whether to confront him, walk away, or try to work through it. One thing’s for sure: don’t ignore it. If something hurts now, it will continue to hurt if left unaddressed.

Here are six steps to help you navigate this situation:

1. Take Time to Calm Your Emotions

Before reacting, take a deep breath. I know this is painful, but acting out of anger or shock can cloud your judgment. Take a moment to process your feelings—have a glass of water, go for a walk, or journal your thoughts. You want to approach this with a clear mind, not heightened emotions.

2. If You Choose to Confront Him, Stay Calm

If you decide to bring it up, do so calmly and directly. Avoid yelling or accusations—it will only put him on the defensive. Instead, approach the conversation with honesty:

💬 “Hey, I found out you’re still on [dating site] through [a friend, an app, etc.], and I’d like to talk about it. I feel hurt and confused, and I want to understand what’s going on.”

A mature approach encourages an open and honest discussion, which is more likely to give you the clarity you need.

3. Be Honest About How You Found Out

He will likely ask how you found his profile—be truthful. Whether a friend told you, you saw it yourself, or you used a profile-checking tool, don’t lie. However, don’t let the conversation shift into a debate about how you found out. The real issue is that he was there in the first place.

This is a chance for an open discussion about trust in your relationship—lay everything on the table and see where he stands.

4. Watch His Reaction Closely

His response will tell you everything. Look out for these common reactions:

🚩 He shifts the blame onto you.
“I can’t believe you checked! That’s so controlling!” – This is manipulation, and it’s a major red flag.

🚩 He flat-out lies.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” – If you have proof and he still denies it, that’s a sign of dishonesty.

✅ He takes accountability.
“I know, and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” – While this doesn’t erase the damage, at least he’s acknowledging his mistake.

A person’s initial reaction often reveals their true character. Pay attention.

5. Consider If His Explanation Makes Sense

Think critically about what he tells you.

• Does his story check out?
• Is he making excuses or owning up to it?
• Do his words match his actions?

If he’s genuinely remorseful and willing to delete his profile immediately, you might be able to work through it—if you want to. But if he’s dodging responsibility, it’s time to question his commitment.

6. If It’s Hurting You, Consider Letting Go

At the end of the day, trust is everything. Even if he apologizes and promises to change, the damage might already be done.

Rebuilding trust isn’t easy, and you don’t have to force yourself to stay if this has shaken your confidence in the relationship. Forgiving is hard, and forgetting is nearly impossible.

If being with him makes you feel hurt, insecure, or unappreciated, it may be time to walk away. You deserve someone who values and respects you—not someone who keeps searching for other options.

Is Being Active on Dating Sites Considered Cheating?

Yes, being active on dating sites while in a relationship is cheating.

There’s no justifiable reason for someone in a committed relationship to still be using dating apps. None. It’s no different from flirting with people in real life—it’s intentional and disrespectful.

Let’s be real: they’re called dating apps for a reason. People use them to seek new connections, whether emotional or physical. Anyone who claims otherwise is either lying to themselves or to you.

The truth is, you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. No amount of effort on your part can outweigh their willingness to betray your trust.

If they know it’s wrong and still do it, then they don’t respect the relationship. And that’s all the clarity you need.

We might try and try to make something work, however, the unwillingness on our partner’s part will always outweigh our genuine efforts.

Sometimes, no matter what, we can’t change the way people act.

If they do something purposely even though they’re aware that it’s wrong, then they’re a lost cause.