With being in the era of technology and whatnot, online dating is one of the trendiest ways to meet people.
Dating sites are perhaps the biggest promoters of online dating and they’ve helped millions of users find love!
There’s one issue, though: not everybody who uses dating sites is single—and having a spouse who uses dating sites is confusing.
And if you too, like many people, are wondering what to do next after catching your partner online dating, I’m here to help!
What action should be taken if you find out your spouse is on dating sites? Should you confront him? It’s time to answer the important questions!
1. Take some time to get your thoughts in order, relax, and realize it’s not your fault.
If you just found out that your husband has online dating profiles, take some time to yourself, and don’t rush into anything!
It’s completely normal to feel a bit shaken up—this is the love of your life potentially cheating, after all.
Get a glass of whatever and try doing what helps relax you; eliminate any unhealthy thoughts and think about what you want to do next.
Don’t beat yourself up over it, trust me, it’s not worth it.
In no way is this your fault or a reason to lower your self-esteem—it’s your husband’s willingness to break his family for online romance.
2. Stop excusing this behavior: consider taking action.
The fact that his presence on dating apps is bothering you is enough reason to break your silence!
Let’s be real: he’s probably not there to make friends.
The more you excuse his behavior, the more inclined he’ll feel to continue doing this—if he hasn’t done anything yet with anyone, he might.
I know that deep down you’re hoping that this is just a misunderstanding, and maybe it is, but for you to find out you need to communicate.
Do confront him about this situation: ask him what reason he has for being there and how he feels about the marriage.
Don’t get used to the disrespect!
3. Think about how you want this to end!
What is it that you’re hoping to achieve from confronting him about it?
Is it divorce? Or, is it a second chance? Or are you simply hoping to get him to stop online dating?
Whichever it is, it’s important to have your goals in mind!
When we feel overwhelmed, we usually stop thinking rationally and get into something without really thinking of the pros and cons.
Knowing what you want beforehand will help you a great deal in deciding how to act when confronting him, what to bring up, and how to come to a mutual agreement.
4. Gathering the evidence is a crucial step.
And let me show you why!
Firstly, if you don’t have any solid evidence that he’s on dating platforms, your husband might take the opportunity to lie about it.
Since you can’t prove anything, he’ll have an easier time manipulating your and others’ opinions—if you have proof, he’ll have no other choice but to come clean.
One single search is what it takes!
And secondly, if you are thinking of divorce, evidence will come in handy in court!
Having proof (such as images, videos, recordings, or anything else that might help) will make us more confident when confronting a cheater.
5. After having a sufficient amount of evidence, confront him about it.
However, do so calmly!
Being calm is probably the least of your concerns right now, but being hostile won’t give you the desired results.
Be cool and collected, however, determined—tell your husband there’s something you want to talk about and confront him.
Show your evidence, and express your feelings about what he’s done; talk about what’s in store for you two, and don’t let him change your mind.
There’s no need to insult him or anything of the sort; remember, you’re trying to communicate and gain closure!
6. During this period, keep your family’s best interest in mind.
Don’t fight in front of your children! Possibly bring this topic up when you and your husband have the time and privacy.
Now, the most difficult thing about extramarital affairs is the aftermath—what will happen to you and the cheater’s family?
If you two have children, you need to think about how your decisions and actions will impact them!
Of course, your husband should’ve thought of this before deciding to ultimately disrespect you, but the children shouldn’t have to suffer because of HIS immaturity.
Decide what’s best for them, but also for yourself.
7. If you do decide to give him a second chance, work towards rebuilding trust.
If you found out that your spouse has been unfaithful, then I can only assume he lost your trust.
And if you’re thinking of giving him another chance, make him work for it!
Establish new boundaries and see to it that he respects them this time; if he’s truly sorry for what he’s done, he’ll be okay with them.
What you ask for it’s up to you: asking for his passwords, limiting his interaction with strangers, or whatever helps regain trust.
I’m not going to meddle; these boundaries should be a reflection of your wants and needs.
But unless you want to forever hold a grudge and have an unhealthy relationship with your spouse, I recommend you two make room for trust again!
8. Also, work on your communication!
A handful of people cheat due to factors related to lack of communication—I’m not excusing cheaters’ behavior, simply letting you know of the possibility.
If you’ve already decided to forgive your partner, make it a habit that you two communicate things from now on.
One of you is feeling unhappy? Talk to each other about it!
Something about the marriage is better off changing? Bring the idea to the table.
Whatever it is, know that communication will help move your marriage forward—or backward, depending.
9. Consider marriage counseling.
If you two are having trouble bouncing back from his infidelity, why not give marriage counseling a try?
And according to VerywellMind, the sooner, the more effective!
Marriage counselors will help sort out your marriage problems and develop healthy tactics that help nourish your connection.
Your husband knows he made a huge mistake, and if he’s hoping to fix it as well as work on himself, marriage counseling is the way to go.
It might help to hear a professional’s say on this!
10. During this time, don’t neglect your well-being and needs.
It can be easy to forget self-care in complicated situations such as this one, but please make it a habit to look after yourself.
I know that you may not be feeling up to the task, but your well-being is very important right now.
Aside from the fact that your health is obviously important, it will also help you get through this whole mess.
- Take small breaks to do what you enjoy;
- Talk to the people who make you happy;
- Spend more time with your children;
- Confide in people you trust;
- Don’t leave self-care behind;
- Never stop your self-love.
Why does my husband have dating profiles? 11 common reasons why men in relationships visit dating sites.
Finding out that a spouse does in fact use dating sites is jarring.
We are filled with many thoughts—most of which are negative—about why they did what they did.
Now, you might be thinking that him being there is somehow your fault, and let me tell you: it’s not.
But if you’re really curious to know why your partner uses dating sites, here are the most common reasons:
– He thinks the marriage isn’t giving him the thrill he wants/needs.
He’s bored and wants to try something new: going on dating sites.
Keep in mind, though, that this doesn’t mean you’re a boring person, it simply means that he was trying to “spice” things up.
Maybe he’s the type of man who gets bored and distracted easily; he’s bored when stuff becomes routine.
He’s trying to meet other sexual partners and hoping to bring the thrill back into his life—which in his opinion has been lost.
– He no longer has feelings.
Again, not your fault.
One of the most common reasons people cheat on their significant other is that they no longer have feelings for them.
Even though when we think about it it would be easier for them to see other people after breaking up with their current partner!
It’s possible that your spouse no longer has feelings for you, and that’s pushed him to try out dating apps—either to find someone new or to fulfill his sexual desires.
– He wants to have multiple sexual partners.
Usually the case: he wants to fulfill his sexual desires with other people.
Physical cheating is another very typical reason why people in relationships visit dating sites.
Because of how many people use dating sites (and how convenient they are to use), your husband found the perfect way to explore other options.
– He wants to try out “sugar dating”.
“Sugar dating” is typically when an older, wealthier person dates a young person and spoils them in return for sexual or non-sexual favors.
If this is the case, you might’ve noticed that he regularly purchases stuff he doesn’t normally use, probably jewelry, clothes, or other expensive items!
If this is his reason for using dating sites, he gets a kick out of spoiling other women and may or may not be meeting up with them behind your back.
Definitely not what a married person wants to hear, but unfortunately it happens.
– His insecurities could be showing here—he goes on dating sites for an ego boost.
He feels insecure, and dating sites give him that ego boost he’s looking for.
He goes in there to get external validation—this makes him feel good about himself.
We all know by now that dating platforms are home to millions of internet users, and your husband knows he can get the attention he wants somehow.
He might be flirting with other people, or even agreeing to meet up with them—or not—but it ultimately comes down to how addicting the effects of online dating are.
– He is revenge-cheating on you.
He’s trying to get back at you for something you did—this is called revenge cheating.
This is done in a desperate attempt to inflict the same pain he felt; but the thing is, people sometimes revenge-cheat because they only think they’re being cheated on.
Yes—if you’re confused and thinking to yourself, “Wait, I never cheated on him.” know that he could be doing this out of insecurity and/or trust issues.
He thinks you’re being unfaithful to him, and that’s enough reason for him to want to take revenge.
– He’s to some degree not satisfied.
Whether it be in a sexual or emotional sense.
Once people think their relationship is lacking something, they might think of straying away from their partner—the majority go through with it.
Because he thinks his sexual and/or emotional needs aren’t being met, he’s looking on dating sites to see if he can find someone who fulfills him.
This is cheating at its finest: instead of communicating these thoughts with you, he’s taking any opportunities he can to cheat.
– He’s hoping he can convince you to open your relationship.
He’s tired of monogamy and wants to change it.
He’s slowly exploring the idea of polygamy and hoping to change your mind about it, which of course, is very selfish.
There are plenty of people on dating platforms who think alike and wouldn’t mind being the third person in the relationship; he wants to find them.
He might’ve already brought up the idea of opening your marriage, in which case, it only solidifies this point!
– Another reason could be that he’s curious to see what he’s missing out on.
Curiosity is pushing him to try out new things.
Now, for this reason, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is physically cheating on you, but we can’t rule out the possibility.
He’s observing and reminiscing on how it used to be when he was single—he wants to know what the hype is with dating apps,
To make a long story short, curiosity got the best of him, and he may or may not be opposed to the idea of cheating.
– As for him going on dating sites whenever you two have a fight, know that he does it out of spite!
If this issue only occurs when you and your husband fight, he’s most likely doing it out of spite.
He wants you to know that he has other options.
A bit of a personal story here, but, men do this quite often as a form of “punishment” for being disagreed with; another reason why they do this is that they want to prevent you from arguing with them again.
Pretty wicked—your husband is getting his little, petty revenge by making you feel insecure and uncomfortable.
– He’s a cheater by nature, it has nothing to do with you.
He’s a cheater, and that’s all there is to it.
It’s not your fault or anything like that—him using dating sites shouldn’t lower your self-esteem.
It’s possible that he’s cheating on you with mates he finds on dating platforms; he knows how convenient and discreet they are.
He’s a notorious cheater and can’t break that habit, even to this day.
How can I find my husband on dating sites?
There are a couple of ways to find someone on dating sites!
– You can use sites used to find people’s socials!
Pay-to-use people-lookup services such as SocialCatfish, Spokeo, TruthFinder, and more will find dating profiles linked to your husband’s information.
All you need to do is put down his info (email, phone number first/last name, etc.), and you will now be able to see his social profiles.
– If you’re sure that he’s on Tinder, SwindlerBuster will find him!
For a more specific search, you can use SwindlerBuster to find Tinder users.
Simply write down your partner’s first and last name, age, gender, and address—you’ll see if he’s on there in a flash.
– And if you’re searching on Bumble, BuzzHumble will help.
Similarly, if you suspect that your husband might be using Bumble, you can give BuzzHumble a try!
– Check his phone for any dating apps.
A bit toxic, but checking his phone will most likely help you find his dating profiles.
Check his:
- App library;
- Gallery;
- Messages;
- Calls;
- Emails;
- Saved sites/passwords;
- Uninstalled apps.
– Make a fake account and swipe until you find him.
This is a more tiring method; give it a try if you’re 100% sure your spouse is on one specific dating site.
When picking your preferences, describe your husband down to a tee, and start swiping!
Is being on a dating site cheating?
That all depends on your boundaries and your significant other’s intentions!
For some people, their partner’s presence on dating sites alone is considered cheating—and that thinking is justified.
More often than not, people who are already in relationships go on dating sites to cheat, so think what you may with that information!
However, if you’ve made it known that a partner using dating sites hurts you, then, yes: it is considered cheating.