What we notice about cheaters with time is that they use everything in their arsenal to conceal their affairs—mainly manipulation.
However, if we listen very closely, we can distinguish a pattern…
And if we’re not careful enough, we’ll fall for their games, something we don’t want if we’re serious about building a life with an honest person.
– What do all cheaters have in common?
For the most part, no cheater wants to get caught.
These patterns of manipulation are manifested through a series of odd verbal and non-verbal behaviors, which I’ll be expanding further upon in a bit!
Starting off with verbal clues—what do cheaters say to hide their affairs?
1. “I have never cheated on you!”
The first thing cheaters do when confronted is deny everything, even when proof is involved.
Though it’s normal for innocent people to deny having cheated, actual cheaters will attempt to do the same thing, but differently.
- They’ll use manipulation, guilt-tripping, anger, etc. (basically everything) to change your mind.
2. “[Person] is just a friend/cousin. There’s nothing there!”
Such a classic…
To hide their affair, or rather their affair partner, cheaters say they’re talking to a friend or even a cousin whenever you catch them misbehaving.
This is a clever trick done to throw you off your tracks and make you less prone to suspecting that person in the future.
3. “I’ll be going on a business trip and won’t be able to respond to your calls.”
The whole “business trip” bit is perhaps the most revolutionary thing cheaters have ever come up with, however, it’s getting old.
They say this whenever they need a believable excuse to cheat with their lovers and not be bothered—the same thing goes for “friend trips”!
4. “I am/have been busy. Nothing is going on.”
Being overly busy is a sign that your partner is cheating—they’re not actually busy but justifying the fact they’re slowly pulling away from you.
How else would they excuse ignoring you and being distant?
5. “That doesn’t mean anything! It wasn’t a big deal.”
As a desperate attempt to convince you that their acts aren’t unfaithful, your partner might try to downplay things and tell you stuff like:
“Me and [affair partner] are on friendly terms. We only grabbed dinner and nothing more!”
Your partner saying this doesn’t reveal what happened after dinner, but if you have been vocal about not wanting to see the two of them together yet it still happens, something isn’t right.
6. “You always do this. You don’t trust me.”
Beware of a cheater’s guilt-tripping attempts, as you’ll see a lot of them while they’re trying to hide their affairs.
They want to make you feel horrible for basically standing your ground and not allowing yourself to be disrespected.
They’ll call you mean, controlling, distrusting, and repetitive!
7. “I’m cheating? No, YOU are cheating since you brought this up!”
It’s a bit ironic because based on this rule, you look like the cheater in your partner’s eyes—in all seriousness, though, watch out for this sentence.
They’re projecting their blame by accusing you of cheating, and really, that’s all they have left; cheaters think that calling you unfaithful will scare you into not voicing your worries the next time.
8. “I can’t deal with this right now. I’ve had a long day.”
They’re saying this but what they actually mean is, “You caught me red-handed but because I don’t want to feed into your suspicions, I will pretend I’m not in the mood while also making you sound unreasonable.”
A cheater figures they can hide their affair by deflecting the topic.
9. “I don’t remember that happening. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
Nothing grinds my gears quite as much as a cheater gaslighting their partner.
Cheaters try to hide their affairs by pushing their partners to question their sanity—this makes the cheatee insecure, confused, and ashamed.
10. “Oh, that person? I dislike them! They don’t compare to you, babe.”
Insulting their affair partner is another thing cheaters do in order to erase any suspicions on your end.
If your partner manages to convince you that they don’t like their affair partner or don’t find them attractive, you’ll eliminate the possibility of them being together.
To sell you their story, the cheater will also compare you two.
11. “You’re being dramatic.”
Once again, the cheater is trying to hide their wrongs by making you doubt yourself—typically, they call you “controlling”, “dramatic”, or tell you you’re overthinking stuff.
This manipulation technique makes the victim drop their accusation due to feeling foolish, which is a win in the cheater’s book.
But, keep in mind: if they cheated once, the chances of them cheating again increase.
What is it that cheaters do to hide their affairs?
If I were to describe a cheater’s behavior in one word, it would be indistinct—their acts are hazy because they themselves don’t know what to do.
Other than the manipulation techniques I already disclosed:
- Accusing you of cheating, cheaters may also hide their affairs with their actions, rather than their words.
1. So they don’t accidentally let on, cheaters are generally very secretive.
In their minds, if they don’t reveal a lot about their life, they minimize the chances of you finding out, even though secrecy is a primary sign of cheating.
Hypothetically speaking, if your partner is cheating, they’ll be very secretive with their schedule, phone, and social circle.
E.g., if they’re going out with their lover, they’ll instead tell you they’re going out with a friend or simply working late.
Otherwise, your partner will keep their mouth shut!
2. They spoil you!
Weird, I know, but let me explain why cheaters spoil their significant others.
For one, they don’t want their partners to doubt their love, so they buy expensive gifts as a token of loyalty—this puts them in the clear.
If not to “prove” themselves, cheaters pamper their partners out of guilt; they feel awful for cheating and try to somehow make up for it, which is funny because there’s nothing they can do to make up for their betrayal.
3. They hide you on their social media accounts.
Someone who’s cheating on social media will either remove or hide their partner’s profile—this is a safety precaution taken on their part to not let the actual partner and affair partner meet.
- The cheaters in question will lie and say they have deleted social media, don’t use it anymore, or convince their spouse/partner they don’t need to have each other friended (because they see each other every day).
Quite the bold of them!
4. They use an entirely new phone for their affairs.
They hide their affair in that second phone because it makes communicating with their affair partner easier and safer!
It could be a work phone or something similar, but unless your partner is willing to show you the content on it, there’s no telling
5. Cheaters never pay with cards.
Cheaters always pay with cash so that their purchases don’t show up in their bank statements.
- Hotel reservations;
- Lavish gifts;
Married people who are cheating usually do this to hide their affairs from their spouses.
– How cheaters justify their affairs: don’t fall for the “Blame Game”!
You would think that, after getting caught multiple times, cheaters would not try to deny or justify their actions, but it doesn’t work like that.
Cheaters will justify their actions by placing the blame on their partner, the people they cheated with, or circumstances.
- They tell you it’s your fault.
If your relationship has been a bit rocky lately, the cheater will try to use that against you and make it seem as if their affair was something YOU fueled.
- They blame it on the affair partner.
They’ll spin everything around and tell you they got “seduced” by their current affair partner and didn’t mean to cheat.
Remember: it takes two to cheat and your partner not being able to control their impulses is not anyone else’s fault but theirs.
- They convince you it was circumstances.
Alcohol, peer pressure, truth & dare, etc., but more often than not, a cheater will describe their affair as a “drunken mistake”.
- They ask for pity.
Many cheaters make their partners feel bad by telling them they were in a bad place and not in the best mood when they cheated.
And although they might be telling the truth, I’ll leave deciding if that is a viable excuse up to you.
- They undervalue the severity of their actions.
Cheating is one of those things every person explains differently, in their own terms, and cheaters see this as an opening.
They will tell you their acts (e.g., kissing or flirting) aren’t considered cheating.
What to expect when confronting a cheater?
Confronting a cheater is a tiresome process to some and a hurtful one to others—what’s certain, though, is that no one wants to be cheated on
Their reactions include lying, manipulating, and making you feel terrible for having to “scold” them in the first place, but all of this is a distraction.
Don’t be quick to believe their words! If your partner has already cheated on you, that means they’re capable of deception.