20 signs your husband is having a physical or emotional affair — How did it all start? 

When a spouse starts behaving weirdly, we instantly think “They must be cheating!”…and that is usually true.

And you’re not to be blamed for your suspicions, because cheating behavior sticks out like a sore thumb.

A cheater thinks and behaves in complex patterns because he wants his affair to remain a secret; catching him is going to be difficult if your husband is clever.

Emotional vs. Physical Cheating — how they might be impacting your husband’s behavior.

“Does it matter?”—yes! 

Although the answer of which one is worse depends on whom you ask, a physical and emotional cheater differ from one another.

  • Physical cheating has to do with a partner meeting up with someone to perform intimate acts (it may include sex, kissing, cuddling, and so on).
  • Emotional cheating is when a partner welcomes another person into their own very intimate, very emotional world (it may include spending more time together, opening up, teasing, etc.)

Both cheaters display different signs.

For example, if your husband is physically cheating on you, he might need to spend more time away from home, whereas if he’s emotionally cheating, he could be simply spending more time on his phone.

There’s also a distinction between him cheating with multiple people or just one person.

If he is a habitual cheater (in the case of cheating with multiple people) then he’s not going to show any physical or emotional signs.

On the other hand, if his affair partner is someone he gradually fell in love with, he’s slowly going to pull away from you—physically and emotionally.

I will be going over all the possible outcomes and what they mean. This is what happens if your husband is having an affair with another person:

1. He’ll rarely be home or spend time with you.

He’ll rarely be home or spend time with you

Let’s start with the textbook definition of a cheating sign: absence.

If your husband is regularly meeting up with his affair partner, then he’ll rarely be home to spend time with you.

He’ll tell you he’s busy with work or friends, but the reality is that he’s getting too carried away after meeting someone he’s able to cheat with.

2. He will come home late at night.

Affairs are usually carried out late at night, in the dark where no one can see anything—this is your husband’s affair’s timeframe.

He needs to do his thing during the day, so the night is all he has left to meet up with his lover; coincidentally, this explains the changes in his schedule.

3. You two will stop communicating.

Your husband will put an end to the important forms of communication: adorable bickering and important conversations.

This happens with cheaters who are trying their darndest to conceal their affair; it’s also possible your husband is feeling guilty to some degree.

4. The first thing he’ll do after coming home is run to the shower.

He won’t even talk to you or announce his arrival—he’ll run to the bathroom to take his clothes off and shower.

Let me rephrase that: he wants to remove all evidence of seeing another woman, such as her scent and makeup.

5. A cheating husband will stop dowsing you with affection.

A cheating husband will stop dowsing you with affection

Because he won’t feel right doing this after betraying you, his teddy bear persona will cease to exist.

  • He won’t compliment you too often;
  • He won’t give you adorable smooches full of emotion;
  • His “I love yous” will become more scarce;
  • No more cuddles after sex!

More or less, this is what pulling away looks like with cheaters.

6. He’ll avoid physical intimacy with you.

This is most likely happening if your husband has fallen for another person because he can’t maintain the same amount of intimacy with two people simultaneously.

You might have noticed a drop in physical intimacy (e.g. sex, cuddles, kissing, and holding hands).

7. He’ll put a big, flashing sign on his phone that says “DO NOT TOUCH!”.

A bit of an exaggeration on my part but it’s true that cheaters dread having their phone touched by their significant others.

He doesn’t want you to see his chats with his lover(s), so if you ever use, look at, or even smell his phone he’ll throw a big tantrum and accuse you of not trusting him.

8. Oftentimes, he will accidentally get your name mixed up with another person’s.

This is the equivalent of your phone autocorrecting you when talking to another person—when you use someone’s name often, it’ll be on “standby”

This is what your husband is experiencing in a way. He’ll accidentally call you by the name of his lover as a result of using it too much.

9. He will demand to know where you are at all times.

It might sound cute at first, but the reason why a cheating husband does this is not cute at all.

He will want to know where you are when you’ll be coming, and what your schedule for the day looks like so that he can avoid you while fooling around with his affair partner.

Knowing your every step ensures he keeps his secret, a secret.

10. His storming out after a fight will become routine.

Him storming out after a fight will become routine

Aren’t we all bound by communication, in a way? Marriages especially highlight the importance of communication, an absence of which is grounds for getting worried.

If your husband storms out after every little fight you two have instead of making things right, he is not mad—he wants an excuse to leave the house and meet his side piece.

11. He’ll put effort into looking good.

If your husband is not a fashionista type, then this is for you. Do not dismiss his sudden interest in self-care as it could be a sign he’s cheating.

If he always wears his best outfits and cologne while going out, but not with you, then he could be getting dolled up for someone else.

12. He will be defensive over everything you ask.

Even if you ask him something as simple as “Why were you late?”, he’ll flip out because he thinks you’re onto him.

A cheater’s emotions are a mess, a mixture of awareness and anxiety that makes them overreact over the smallest, most innocent questions.

13. He won’t introduce you to his affair partner, despite being very close to them.

Has he been suspiciously close with one particular person lately? Someone he seems to spend A LOT of time with talking and going out?

That’s what friends are for…but if he hasn’t introduced the two of you and keeps changing the subject whenever you ask about them, that’s bad news.

14. He will be quiet as a mouse when he comes home after his affair.

If your husband has been unusually quiet whenever he comes home, then it could be that he JUST cheated not too long ago.

Being aware of one’s wrongdoings has this effect on people, especially if the cheater is remorseful.

  • He is very quiet;
  • He doesn’t hold you close;
  • He doesn’t look you in the eye.

15. There will be a change in your routine as a couple.

There will be a change in your routine as a couple

Every couple has their cute routine.

Date nights, movie nights, game nights, and so on! Such routines enrich marriages and prevent them from getting “stale”.

If your husband is cheating, he will put an end to your adorable, cute gimmicks as a cheesy couple out of pure guilt for what he’s doing.

16. There will be weird transactions on his account.

When catching a cheating husband looking through his bank account will help quite a lot because he’s most likely paying for unusual stuff.

  • Hotel bookings;
  • Dating apps;
  • Women’s clothing or jewelry.

If you notice anything similar at any point, your husband probably has someone on the side.

17. He will buy a second phone he keeps hidden.

I can’t emphasize how fishy it is for a spouse to have a second phone they keep hidden—when they do this, it’s because they want to communicate with an affair partner worry-free.

Texting his lover on his normal phone is too risky after all.

18. You will be receiving gifts more often than ever.

When men cheat, they’ll try to soothe their guilt by buying their spouse gifts—this way they’ll also appear more loving and, hence, less suspicious.

If your husband was never too big on gift-giving, take notice!

19. His friends and family will start being very eccentric.

Have they been warning you about him? Telling you you can do better or to keep an eye out? This is their way of warning you he’s up to no good.

If they’re as much as even awkward and silent in front of you, don’t ignore that either.

20. You’ll catch him in small, odd lies.

You’ll catch him in small, odd lies.

You have probably caught your husband telling small lies, such as changing the name of the friend he was with or other details.

A cheating husband would need to be deceptive to hide his affair from you; he will tell you false stories that are easily disproven.

If you want to catch him lying, keep going back to those stories until he eventually slips up.

– How do affairs start? What prompts them?

Affairs have the potential to start anywhere, between anybody.

  • Two flirty co-workers at work;
  • A volunteering gig between two strangers;
  • Accidentally calling the wrong phone number;
  • Two drunk friends, and so forth.

What some fail to realize is that not all cheaters cheat for the heck of it: they don’t set out to find someone to fool around with.

Have you heard of the Butterfly Effect? The idea is that even the smallest thing, such as a butterfly flapping its wings, could lead to major events, such as a typhoon.

Picture this:

Your husband ignored his alarm and decided to get 15 minutes of extra sleep. Taking his usual path would result in him being late for work, so he decided to take a shortcut. While walking on the new path, he sees a woman. She too seems to be in a rush and accidentally drops her wallet. Your husband sees it, picks it up, and starts running after her, finally catching up. The woman is grateful for his good deed and they start chatting a bit, only to realize they enjoy the same things and share the same values. Attraction is born. The rest is history.

An affair was born by something as minuscule as your husband being too lazy to get out of bed one morning.

At this point, there is not much you can do to stop it as humans don’t have the power to control the flow of events. What you can do, however, is confirm your suspicions and decide what your next step will be.

– There are multiple ways to catch your husband cheating.

You can go through his phone or see if he has a dating profile with the help of services like SwindlerBuster.

  • If you think he is emotionally cheating with someone else…

You should find enough proof by reading his chats (including deleted ones).

  • If you think his affair is physical…

You can install security cameras in your home, search for suspicious items in his car (e.g. false lashes), and trail him with your car.

To debunk his lies, you can also show up where he said he’d be; for instance, if he tells you he’s working late, surprise him by dropping by.

If he isn’t there, you know what that means.

When is confronting your husband about cheating a good idea?

If you were to ask me, I always recommend confronting your spouse about their infidelity for your and the marriage’s sake.

But only after obtaining proof of their cheating.

Going off your gut feeling, no matter how strong it is, isn’t the best idea in this situation since the possibility of divorce is inevitable.

Besides the legal advantage, having hardcore proof will make you feel more confident in your actions.

In any case, it’s always better to confront your husband calmly: tell him you know what he’s been doing and that you’re hoping to have a mature conversation about it.

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