It’s considered a “second chance” only if you forgive a cheater once…if they repeat the same mistake, is it worth forgiving them again?
If you’re confident that you’re dealing with a compulsive cheater, it’s worth knowing what to look out for and what not—it’s all about patterns with them.
Well, for starters, studies’ have solved the “Once a cheater, always a cheater” equation: it turns out that cheaters are more likely to repeat affairs.
– Will a cheater always cheat? These are the odds:
Not every unfaithful person will carry on with their antics, however, there is a link between cheaters and the likelihood of continual cheating.
A study by Kayla Knopp et al. deducts that a cheater is 3 times more likely to cheat again in the next relationship than a non-cheater.
Based on research, although not all cheaters hold their title, a past of cheating makes your partner predisposed to cheating in the future.
We, of course, can’t be having this—giving regular second chances to a person who takes them for granted will stifle your romantic life and goals!
In order to not waste your time with a cheating boyfriend, I’m going to show you 13 unmistakable signs that he will cheat again, starting with:
1. He’s broken his promise not to cheat again way too many times.
If your partner has already established the fact that he’s not changing anytime soon, don’t take his actions with a grain of salt.
- Going back to the previous research, it seems like your partner isn’t going to break his habit for you or anyone else, whether he really wants to or not.
He keeps promising you that he’ll stay faithful but fails to keep his word which means that you two will be stuck in the same cycle:
He cheats, apologizes, and promises to change; you end up believing him, and at the very end, the cycle repeats itself—you’re back at square one.
2. He has yet to apologize for the pain he caused.
If your significant other has not apologized—properly—for what he did, then he’s most likely someone immature who has not regretted their actions.
Your partner believing they’ve done nothing wrong pushes them to do it again—after everything, people act based on their principles.
Furthermore, he’s quite childish and inconsiderate for not owning up to his mistakes and not giving you an apology, which coincidentally, is key to fixing a post-cheating relationship.
3. Are the people he cheated with still in his life?
If they are, he might be keen on cheating, otherwise, there wouldn’t be a need for him to resume his contact with people who make you uncomfortable.
The first thing a remorseful cheater does is cut out every affair partner from their life out of guilt and respect—this is the right thing to do!
Your boyfriend or husband rejecting your wish, for whatever reason, is a strong sign that he won’t change his ways, or even worse, he has fallen for their lover.
4. His reasons for cheating in the past were selfish and absurd.
If your partner has scraped for literally any reason he could to justify his actions, then he’s either a liar or a selfish person.
Telling you he cheated because he was feeling down or because you haven’t been paying a lot of attention to him—I’m sure we’ve all heard our fair share of ridiculous excuses.
A person can’t just go ahead and betray their partner each time they don’t get their way, this isn’t how a relationship works (at least not a healthy one).
He will do it again and continue spewing out the same, old, selfish excuses.
5. He doesn’t respect your new boundaries.
When a couple experiences cheating, both the cheater and cheatee agree to set new boundaries in order to try and fix their relationship.
Normally, these boundaries (e.g. communicating more, not flirting with others) are respected by the cheater who wants to fix stuff.
But, if your partner retaliates against seemingly reasonable boundaries even though they might help you trust him again (something he asked for), then he doesn’t value your relationship.
He’s so set on having this type of freedom, even though he should have put an end to inappropriate behavior once he got into a relationship.
6. You’re the only one trying for your relationship.
The matter is that if two people want to recover from infidelity, they’re both going to have to make an equal effort.
However, I disagree with that notion! Instead of a 50-50 effort, the cheater needs to put in more work, rounding it up to 65-35—let me explain why.
The cheatee needs to feel loved, wanted, and respected more than ever by the cheater who betrayed their trust, and most of the time, this cannot be achieved if the cheater acts the same way.
- Post-infidelity relationships are very sensitive, and if your partner isn’t putting in work that tells you, “Hey, I’m sorry for what I did and I’m willing to give it my all to make this work.”, he might not be feeling remorseful.
Are you the only one making up for something you didn’t do? Planning dates, comforting the cheater, begging for communication?
If you whispered yes to yourself, keep this in mind!
7. He runs away whenever you seek comfort.
Once again, he is the one who cheated, and he should be more than ready to give you closure by comforting you.
If he feels extremely uncomfortable and snaps at you for confronting him or feeling sad as a result of his affair, he might cheat again in the future.
People who have been cheated on and stayed usually have a hard time forgiving and forgetting, so they seek reassurance from their s.o.—pretty normal.
If your partner is not only ignoring your feelings but also getting mad at you for them, it’s time to reconsider the second chance you have given him!
8. He’s not one to hold himself accountable.
One of the most tiresome people to be in a relationship with is a person who does not take accountability.
If, to this day, your partner is still trying to convince you it’s not his fault he cheated, know that he’ll keep reminding himself of such delusions the next time he cheats.
- He implies that he did not feel loved or appreciated by you, or that the other woman tempted him and he had no choice but to cheat.
He made the choice to do something that could have easily been avoided, and he only has himself to blame.
9. He downplays his affair.
The tricky thing about defining “cheating” is that everybody understands it differently—your partner might be using this to gaslight you.
For example, if he kissed another woman, he might tell you something like, “It was only a kiss! We didn’t have sex.”, which is bogus in my opinion.
If this is his mindset right now, I can’t imagine when and if he’ll stop doing something that obviously makes you feel uncomfortable.
10. He never stopped doing little things that make you uncomfortable.
Flirting, liking strangers’ spicy pictures, talking to other women, etc.—micro-cheating on you, in other words.
You know it’s time to reconsider a partner’s place in your life once they refuse to stop doing the little things that make you uncomfortable.
He got caught, and you would think he’d change his ways, right? Well, that’s what a person who wants to change would do!
11. He treats you horribly post-infidelity.
Nothing screams “I will do it again!” more than your partner mistreating you after he did something wrong—he’s trying to restore balance.
It’s a manipulation tactic used by cheaters who want to punish their partners whenever they’re upset with something the cheater did.
This way, the cheatee does not bring up their partner’s infidelity anymore; it could be that the cheater also feels too ashamed of what they did!
12. He believes that cheating is his birthright.
ChoosingTherapy states that cheating is more common among narcissists, and if your partner is one, there’s a good chance he won’t cease doing it.
Not just narcissism, though, if your partner is a misogynist or self-important person, for example, he might think that he has the right to cheat—odd, I know.
The thing about cheating is that it may be a result of other harmful ideologies, e.g. misogyny, or personality disorders; other than relationship and circumstantial factors, this is also a possibility!
13. And perhaps the most telling sign of all, his behavior looks the same as it did back then.
Just look at the way he’s acting…is he being secretive?
- He arrives home later than usual;
- He’s moody;
- His phone has most of his attention;
- He doesn’t treat you as his partner—this is what typical cheater behavior looks like, but ultimately, it varies.
What’s important is for you to notice his cheating behavior, i.e. a particular demeanor and vibe he gave off in the past when you confirmed he was cheating.
If he’s behaving similarly, although not guaranteed, he could very well be cheating again.
A cheater who has changed — what are the signs that your partner will not cheat again?
As I said, not all cheaters are the same; some people learn from their mistakes and make decisions that won’t hurt their partners in the future.
If you’re in a bind because you’re not sure if your cheating partner will hurt you again, these are signs he most likely won’t:
1. First and foremost, he doesn’t talk to anyone who makes you uncomfortable.
Whether it be his affair partner or people you simply don’t feel comfortable with; he’s learned from his mistake and is trying his hardest to reassure you!
This means that he values your relationship instead of his affairs, which is always a good thing when trying to fix a relationship.
2. He has never cheated in the past.
Not that he won’t cheat in the future, but at least we’ve ruled out the possibility of him being a compulsive cheater, which increases the chances of him not doing it again.
It could have been a one-time thing, something that was never meant to happen—a drunken mistake, or something he regretted immediately.
3. He has apologized and continues to apologize.
Not just an insincere, dull “Sorry.”, he has apologized from the bottom of his heart and resumes to show how sorry he is for his actions.
He’s holding himself accountable and being mature by admitting his faults instead of blaming them on somebody else.
He is there for you, respects your boundaries, and is all in for healing your relationship—actions speak volumes!
4. He’s there for you when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Yeah, it feels awful knowing that you’re the root of a loved one’s pain, which is why most people try to avoid the situation altogether.
However, not your husband: whenever you need to talk and express your feelings, he doesn’t abandon you out of discomfort.
He knows it’s his fault and he’s doing whatever he can to gain your trust (he’s doing this by not criticizing you for your feelings).
5. He willingly gives you his phone and does other acts to prove himself.
I talked about how a cheater would need to go above and beyond in order to earn their partner’s trust back, and this is what your partner is doing.
He knows he needs to do whatever it takes not to lose you, and that means constantly proving he won’t do anything again.
- If your partner has randomly offered to call you, send you images of where he’s at, give you excessive info even though you didn’t ask, give you his phone, and spoil you, this is what’s happening.
– Can someone love me and still cheat?
It may be a bit shocking because you would never think of hurting the person you love, but yes, it is possible for a person to be unfaithful to the one they love.
Experts at PsychologyToday explain that people do sometimes cheat on the people they love, for reasons such as:
- The desire to self-explore, etc.
But this isn’t always the case and to prevent wasting time with a player who isn’t serious about you, confirm his intentions first.
Trust me, when people love and treasure their partner, they will act the part!
Recovering from infidelity!
If you and your partner want to move past infidelity, whether it was inflicted by you or them, make sure you’re both honest with each other.
You both love each other (I’m assuming since you’re staying together) and there is something that needs to be changed in your relationship.
Try out marriage/couples counseling, set new boundaries, make your relationship more spontaneous, etc., so that infidelity becomes less likely!