6 crucial signs your husband and best friend are cheating together — What should you do?

When your husband and best friend have an uncomfortably close relationship with one another is, what I like to call, a double betrayal.

It is one of those affairs where both of the people involved owe you loyalty—yes, even your friend.

Having two of the closest people in your life break your trust is downright horrendous, and one thing’s for sure:

There are absolutely no excuses.

How can you tell that they are, in fact, sleeping behind your back?

I am using “sleeping” as a general term because there are many ways to cheat other than physically.

But thanks to the audacity your husband has to be fooling around with your BFF, the signs are way more obvious than with a stranger.

1. First of all, they plan secret meetings.

First of all, they plan secret meetings

Let us stop pretending to be open-minded for one minute because your husband and best friend have no business spending this much time together.

One thing and one thing only binds them together: you.

So taking all of this into account, isn’t it just a teeny tiny bit weird that they are hanging out together on a daily basis?

Going on dates, for example, or going on vacation together—no matter how much you try to convince yourself, they should NOT be doing couple-y things.

And keeping it a secret? The red flags are right there!

2. They have a past together.

I am in no way judging their past or the whole “friends-shouldn’t-date-exes” thing, but if your spouse and best friend are being weird, then their past is the cherry on top.

I hear about people not being able to move on from their first love even after starting a family with someone else, so time isn’t a factor

There is no harm in being cautious in this situation; if the reason they broke up isn’t lack of love then they could still have the hots for each other.

3. There is this weird tension between them…

There is this weird tension between them…

It’s not something visible to the naked eye, but do you know how when two people have such great chemistry together, there’s some kind of tension between them?

They often glance at one another from across the room, laugh at each other’s jokes, and finish each other’s sentences, like a rom-com movie.

If you notice anything similar happening between your husband and best friend, then chances are something is happening.

4. They contact each other A LOT but are weird about it.

Does your husband text your best friend more than he texts you? Well, he might just be crushing on her if so.

Texting each other once in a while is okay, in my opinion, but doing so every second is where I draw the line, especially if they keep it a secret from you.

It’s also very suspicious if they text each other in a very flirty way:

  • Starting sexual topics;
  • Using romantic emojis;
  • Calling each other by pet names, etc.

5. Your hubby and BFF are happy around each other but awkward around you.

It’s very subtle, but if you look closely, your husband and best friend are probably acting really awkward around you.

For instance, if they’re hanging around together giggling, they’ll jump across the room, away from each other as soon as you get too close.

They won’t be looking at you (or each other) in the eye and not a peep will come out of their mouths!

Because they’re doing something wrong, their bodies will automatically enter an “awkward stage”:

  • They’ll avoid eye contact;
  • Their bodies will fidget;
  • Their voices will shake.

6. Others have picked up on it.

One very interesting thing about people going through this type of betrayal is that they don’t want to see the signs.

They simply refuse to believe two people they love are doing this behind their backs, so they try to gaslight themselves.

“Oh, it’s probably just my imagination. There’s no way they’re doing this to me…”

However, if trustworthy people are telling you that they’ve seen him and your friend together (or have sensed something’s off), it’s time to take your blindfold off.

Emphasis on trustworthy people, though! There could be people making things up because they don’t want to see you in a happy, healthy marriage.

Carefully planning your next steps — This is what you do after catching your husband and BFF together.

This situation cannot be swept under the rug…it’s the love of your life and closest confidant we’re talking about.

The best move here is confronting them both while being as calm as humanly possible.

Step 1: Gathering some proof they’re actually cheating.

Gathering some proof they’re actually cheating

Not having any proof of adultery is not the ideal situation because you run the risk of not having the law on your side.

If you’re thinking of divorce, you need to gather some evidence to show the court you were cheated on and you’re the victim here.

On top of that, your husband and best friend might try to convince other people you’ve lost your marbles.

Step 2: Getting the support of your legal team and friends.

Getting the support of your legal team and friends

Before you take any other steps, contact your lawyer and he/she will tell you what you need to do next.

Everything you say or do can and will be used against you in court, so you need to be careful in order not to make matters worse.

But, there’s no law preventing you from seeking your friends’ support—the real ones—so you may use their shoulders to lean on.

Step 3: Putting them in a room together to confront them.

When people who’ve been cheated on make the very difficult decision of confronting the cheater, I usually recommend they don’t do it alone.

  • Your lawyer;
  • Your trusted friend;
  • A relative;
  • Or in this case, your best friend’s spouse.

Having some emotional support helps you navigate the confrontation and not break down in the process—your husband and best friend will also not be able to manipulate you.

But, you’re going to put them in a room together and reveal all the proof you’ve gathered until now.

Step 4: Be graceful and logical.

Be graceful and logical

Being nice in this situation is the least of your worries right now…you’ve experienced the betrayal of a lifetime.

Despite that, staying cool, calm, and composed will show them you mean business, so try not to cuss at them!

After showing them your evidence and giving them a piece of your mind, inform them of your decision—whether it be divorce or an ultimatum.

No matter what insults they throw your way, do not budge (this part of the process is mainly why I recommended you bring someone with you).

Step 5: Sticking to your decision.

What people don’t tell you is how hard sticking to your decision is if you’re choosing to walk away from toxicity.

Your husband and best friend will try apologizing and coming up with excuses, that I am sure of: it’s what cheaters do when they don’t want to leave.

But despite their attempts, you must remain strong! Remember, they caused inexplicable pain, and it’s not like they didn’t know this was going to happen.

You don’t deserve to be treated this way by two of the most important people in your life.

If it ever gets too hard, know that there are people who are more than willing to help you get through this.

– Why are they so set on hurting you this way?

Spoiler alert: it is not your fault.

It is never the cheatee’s fault; two people choose to cheat on one another while being aware of the consequences.

1. They genuinely love each other.

This one is going to sting, but it needs to be said.

The reason why your husband and best friend got together could be that they have feelings for one another. 

Those feelings developed unintentionally on their part (probably a result of spending too much time together), but their initial purpose wasn’t to hurt you.

These affairs are deeper in the sense that it’s not two people just having sex—it’s two people slowly forming an intimate relationship.

2. They could not contain their sexual urges and hopped into bed with the next, closest person.

Not that it makes it any better, but you at least know their affair didn’t come from a place of love—rather, a place of questionable morals.

Everybody’s sex drive is different; those with higher libido are technically more prone to cheating on their partners, seeing how they have a harder time containing their urges.

They just happened to be next to each other, at the wrong time. These types of affairs are usually purely physical.

3. Your best friend or husband is actually trying to hurt you.

Unlikely, but you never know just who you’re calling your “friend” or “partner” nowadays…it might be someone who’s praying on your downfall.

Maybe you unintentionally made your husband jealous once, and that made him want to get back at you, like, 100x worse?

It might even be an unresolved grudge on your best friend’s part making her want to hit where it hurts.

– Getting revenge — Should you pass on it?

Should you seek revenge? No.

The only reason why I think getting revenge on your husband and best friend is a bad idea is the fact they don’t care.

Getting back at your husband and best friend won’t help because they don’t care about what they did.

Trying to hurt them by getting involved with each other won’t make you feel better—it’ll just make things worse.

Making quick decisions when you’re upset will only lead to regret later.

The best revenge is to be mature and remove them from your life.

Don’t forgive or seek closure—settle things legally with your husband, secure your assets, and move on.

Focus on fighting for custody, getting alimony, and watching them face the consequences.

Live your life to the fullest and focus on healing.

She is not your best friend, and he sure as heck is not a good husband.

Think to yourself: would YOU do this to your spouse or best friend?

If your answer was a loud and clear no, then what makes you think that they’re worthy of forgiveness and deserving of a place in your life?

Whatever their reason might be, at the end of the day, they’re both adults who willingly hurt an innocent person.

Cheating is not a commendable trait, and it’s associated with narcissism more often than not (not saying all narcissists are cheaters).

If you’re thinking of giving them a second chance, make sure to remember this!

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