After the rage and heartbreak of finding out your boyfriend is on Tinder, you must decide on your next move: a breakup or a second chance.

It doesn’t hurt to know why he was on Tinder either, as the reasons will show you whether it’s worth forgiving him or not.

Let me walk you through the pain of finding out the love of your life is fooling around in the cyberspace.

Why does he have a Tinder account to begin with?

The reasons he’s on Tinder vary from innocent to…not-so-innocent.

– To cheat.

Around two-thirds of Tinder users are in a relationship, according to a study.

What you may not consider, however, is that your boyfriend may not be looking to replace you entirely: he could be looking for some fun on the side.

These phone affairs may also be emotional in nature, which only makes way for a full-on affair.

Dating apps present people in relationships with many options they can anonymously interact with without being caught—this is his motive.

– To mend his insecurities.

The very same study explains how a lot of people are using Tinder as a socializing platform aiding in their confidence boost.

With that being said, your insecure boyfriend might get on Tinder from time to time for validation.

Though guys complain about lacking in matches, said validation comes from being swiped right on by hotties, which shows him he still got it!

– A cure for his boredom.

Many people treat dating apps like a run-of-the-mill pastime—something to rid them of their boredom, if you will.

No, he’s not there to cheat if this is the case. He probably saw a TikTok about Tinder one day and thought “Screw it. Let me see what the deal is!”

He could have opened a Tinder account to troll random people, but this of course doesn’t make it okay.

– Seeking friends.

No, I am not kidding. If he’s the overly friendly type, your boyfriend might be looking to expand his buddy circle.

This is quite common among guys lacking social awareness, who cannot comprehend how suspicious it is to make friends on dating apps like it is Bumble BFF.

An impressive number of people report joining Tinder to widen their social networking circle due to the number of people who use it (well in the millions).

– He wants to get back at you.

This might have something to do with insecurities. If he believes you’re wayyyy out of his league, he might join Tinder because he believes you’re cheating too.

MoreSelfEsteem beautifully explains to us how common cheating is amidst people with low self-esteem as they’re constantly seeking ways to make themselves feel better.

Nevertheless, if you’ve cheated on him in the past, this is his way of getting revenge.

– He forgot to delete an old profile.

Mistakes happen, no matter how convenient it might sound at the moment.

Tinder deletes profiles that have been inactive for more than 2 years and gradually makes them less and less visible until you hit the 2-year mark.

Meaning that unless your boyfriend’s profile showed up in your feed, there’s a chance he forgot to delete the Tinder account he used before meeting you.

To know if you’re dealing with an inactive profile, check for any new content.

For instance, is his most recent picture him with a previous hairstyle he might’ve had before you became an item? If so, yep. He no longer uses that profile

The confrontation ark — What are the next steps?

I highly urge you not to let this slide under the assumption he’s on Tinder looking for gaming buddies because that’s quite infrequent.

For the sake of your inner peace, confront him.

Step 1: Re-build your mental fortitude.

Confronting him right after you find out will not work in your favor as you’d be too overwhelmed to have a civil, productive discussion.

You’d take an aggressive approach that allows you to say things at the spur of the moment you might regret later on. This will be detrimental to your relationship should he be innocent.

Take one, two, or however many days you need to think about how the discussion will play out and the future of your relationship. 

Do whatever normally calms you down—whether it be talking to your friends or reading articles online about your situation!

Step 2: Compartmentalize your proof.

Gather as much proof as possible of him being on Tinder, such as screenshots.

Confronting a cheater without proof is not something I would ever suggest doing, as it gives him the opportunity to turn things around.

He might manipulate other people into believing he’s innocent, and no one will side with you considering you have no evidence at all.

If you found his Tinder profile by joining Tinder under a pseudonym, you can strike up a conversation with him to confirm it’s your boyfriend.

Step 3: Respectfully, yet sternly approach him.

You might want to pick the right time and place for this one so that your boyfriend can give you his undivided attention and honesty. Preferably somewhere you two have privacy, at a time when he’s free.

Sit him down and very calmly tell him that you know he has a Tinder profile—show him the proof and the means of how you found out if necessary.

Remember, the calmer you are, the better your conversation will go. If you insult him, he’ll get riled up and refuse to give you the closure you need.

Another very important thing is not to come off as a pushover: someone he thinks he hasn’t hurt and has complete power over.

Step 4: Let him tell you his side of the story.

What people don’t tell you about confronting a cheater is how important giving them the space to talk is.

If you end up interrupting his every sentence, he’ll start thinking he cannot get through to you, which might ruin the future of your relationship.

He’d stop trying to explain himself and leave mid-discussion.

Step 5: Vet his behavior.

Another valuable thing you’ll get to witness while confronting him is his behavior, which should tell you if he’s upright or not.

No one likes being confronted about the bad things they’ve done, and that’s what makes them act in hostile ways, such as shouting, insulting, or threatening.

If your boyfriend acts like that during the confrontation, take it as a sign he is on Tinder to cheat on you.

However, he might try to claim his innocence as well, but that has no value whatsoever if it’s followed by aggression.

Step 6: Take a small break until you reach a conclusion.

I know this is all a lot to take in, so I suggest you take a small break to decide whether you want to keep the relationship going.

While doing that, keep replaying your conversation in your head and think of his reasons and response.

Is his reason harmless? Was his response calm, yet reassuring? If so, don’t be ashamed to forgive his mistakes.

Your reasoning is most likely clouded by your love for him during these moments, so I suggest you confide in your closest friends and ask them for advice

After you’re sure, let him know what your decision is.

Step 7: Re-define your boundaries if needed.

If you wound up forgiving him, make it a goal to rebuild your relationship from scratch by re-defining your boundaries.

In other words, let him know that he needs to work to earn your trust back and that’s it’s completely up to him.

Of course, kindly ask him to get rid of his Tinder account and put an end to any other forms of micro-cheating, such as flirting or texting with other women.

– Does having a Tinder account automatically mean he’s cheating?

SwindlerBuster exceeds in finding Tinder profiles, whether it be by name, phone number, or image. However, nothing can tell you what is going on inside his head.

Whether his being on Tinder is cheating or not is between you and him. After all, cheating is whatever you make it to be.

But no, having a Tinder profile doesn’t automatically mean he’s using it to cheat—as said, he might have forgotten to delete his old Tinder account.

If not that, he may be using it out of boredom or sheer desire to expand his social circle…but honestly, how likely is that?

In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether you believe his excuses or not.