If your partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend uses OnlyFans to break the rules of your relationship that can be considered cheating.
Every relationship has different rules and every person perceives cheating differently.
But, the moment that your significant other is using OnlyFans to quench their sexual desires that cannot be fulfilled in your relationship, that’s concerning.
Below, you’ll find everything explained in more detail: What is OnlyFans to begin with, and is it cheating? If so, when and how?
What is OnlyFans and what is it used for?
OnlyFans is an app or platform that is used to upload explicit or sexual content and earn money from it.
Very few creators also use this app to share their art.
According to a study, the percentage of women who create content in OnlyFans is higher than the percentage of men.
Thus, 85% of OnlyFans creators are women and the highest percentage of users is men, 60%.
When does a partner – a girlfriend or boyfriend – start to use OnlyFans?
They might have started to use OnlyFans depending on different occasions and based on different factors.
Starting from peer pressure, curiosity, financial issues, or the lack of sexual interaction in their relationship.
Yet, for whatever reason they use this app if they cross any relationship boundaries that would be considered inappropriate and cheating.
I started writing this article when I received an email from one of our clients.
She was desperate to know whether it was lame that she was bothered by the fact that her boyfriend was using OnlyFans.
He was even paying a subscription, which means that he was getting special content from the content creators of this app.
Thus, what I suggested for her to do in the beginning was to reflect on their relationship and physical and emotional interaction.
This was the point where it led us to the reason why he was using it.
They hadn’t been physical for months and whenever she initiated, he stood away.
- So, he lost feelings for her because he couldn’t communicate that he needed some changes in their sex life.
- And whenever she tried to confront him about this issue, he was always hiding and being frustrated.
- He refused to work on this issue together and cancel his subscription to OnlyFans.
To one point whatever a partner, a husband or a boyfriend does to cross your boundaries and find interest in someone else that is cheating.
Cheating is not considered only physical interaction with someone else other than you.
Cyber and emotional cheating also exists.
With that being said, when is OnlyFans considered cheating?
1. They are using OnlyFans secretly and solely to quench their sexual desires.
Yes, being involved in any type of way with the sexual content and investing time and energy there is considered emotional cheating.
Even though a lot of people might have different opinions because everyone has different relationship boundaries.
Hence, if they are slowly drawing from you and don’t have sex with you but invest their all time in the OnlyFans women then they’re cheating.
Maybe they don’t get the chance to physically be with them but they are paying so they can interact online sexually with them.
2. They are messaging the creators and interacting with them sexually.
This one is a pure clue that OnlyFans means cheating when they are already messaging these women and sexting with them.
I had the same experience when I noticed that my ex-husband was paying a girl who wasn’t a sex worker but just used OnlyFans to sext with others.
It crossed the boundaries of our marriage and he was very well aware of it. Hence, he kept it hidden.
But, on the other hand, if you noticed that they have signed up for the sake of curiosity or just fun and never use it then that’s a bit different.
Just like with other apps. Someone might have Snapchat and never use it. The meaning of cheating lies behind the intention of why they’re on OnlyFans.
3. You agreed to have a monogamous relationship and talk about anything that bothers you.
If you’re already in a committed relationship or are dating exclusively, you need to talk about this issue with them because it might be concerning.
If the communication for both of your needs decreases and they find a way to fulfill their sexual needs somewhere else that is cheating.
Because they break the rules and refuse to mend the relationship.
Thus, if you have already talked about this and they do it and they don’t take your feelings into consideration that is considered cheating on purpose.
At least, everyone knows the OnlyFans purpose and that app isn’t about finding friends or finding a job.
4. Your partner is aware that them being on OnlyFans will cross your boundaries.
This is pretty much a summary of the signs mentioned above. However, it doesn’t have to boil down to exclusivity every time.
It’s about the boundaries.
OnlyFans can be cheating even if you are in an open relationship if it’s a boundary you set to respect within your relationship.
The moment the boundary is crossed and it’s done behind your back it’s the moment using OnlyFans becomes cheating.
What to do if your boyfriend or girlfriend is using OnlyFans?
If you find out that your girlfriend or boyfriend is using OnlyFans the first thing that you should do is to not use harsh language towards them.
Although it can be difficult, and it can seem like something is being told to you from a pedestal, you want to maintain your calm.
– Talk to them priorly or remind your boyfriend or girlfriend where you stand on cyber sex or porn use generally.
The assistant professor and psychiatrist, Megan Mass, suggests you discuss priorly about your sexual desires.
This will help both of you understand what each other wants and there won’t be a need to go and use OnlyFans or any other sex sites.
Thus if you discover that they are using OnlyFans try to be upfront about your boundaries and desires to avoid miscommunication.
– Choose the right time when you want to talk about this topic.
It’s very important how you choose to access and develop this topic.
Don’t try the harsh approach even though you might feel hurt and betrayed.
Stay calm and ask for extra help.
If you don’t know how to express your emotions or thoughts at that moment it’s better to write them down and wait for a short time.
Once you feel like you’ve recollected yourself and are ready to talk to your partner about this, that’s the right time to talk this through.
– Give them time and space and check if they will reflect on their actions.
If you catch them using OnlyFans and after asking them questions, try to give them some time and space if that’s suitable for you.
If you notice that they’re being cold to you or rude then it’s better to set your boundaries or even walk away.
Try to be more direct with them especially if you have talked about this issue multiple times and now they continue to do it.
Let them know that online infidelity is ruining your relationship and they need to reflect more on their actions and communicate their needs.
– Set your boundaries or remind them of your new boundaries.
If you haven’t talked about relationship boundaries earlier on, now is the time.
Let them know that this isn’t okay with you. You can try to listen to their version and what they have to say about this issue.
Still, you need to focus on what you want from the relationship especially if you’re committed to one another.
Sometimes, even the smallest thing can turn into a bigger problem that cannot be fixed easily or at all.
– Check if you can find common ground.
When you’re in a committed relationship even if they didn’t cheat on you physically, still emotional cheating hurts like hell.
- Thus, it’s up to you how you feel after this and if you can put up with their actions.
- Because their actions have consequences too. If they messaged those people on OnlyChat then they might switch their conversation to Snapchat or Instagram.
And then suddenly, you’ll notice that they will distance themselves from you. So, be careful when you make your final decision.
– It’s okay to decide to leave.
Some partners, some people don’t make a big deal out of virtual infidelity. And that’s okay.
But, basing your standards and boundaries on other people’s opinions isn’t okay.
This is about your boundaries and standards. It’s about you feeling disrespected and your partner making reckless decisions.
If this crossed your boundaries, walk away. If this is the second or third time it’s happened, run, don’t walk away.
Summing it up!
OnlyFans is cheating when your partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend knows that what they’re doing is wrong, try to hide it and invest more feelings and money on this app.
This isn’t a regular app or a music app that you use only to get some kind of excitement and where it doesn’t impact others.
What one does on this app surely impacts their partner too.
So, try to set your boundaries and check whether their action is making you feel undervalued and feel bad about this relationship.
Then you can make the decision whether OnlyFans is considered cheating in your situation or not.
Best of luck!