After 4 months of dating, she is still active on dating apps. How serious is she?

“If she likes me, why is she still online dating?” — I wish we could answer it with a simple yes or no

If she likes you but is still on online dating sites, it’s because she enjoys the attention and is unsure about you.

If the woman you’re talking to is still on dating sites, this might explain it—but there are other reasons.

Nonetheless, it’s a bit weird for her to tell you she likes you but not stop online dating, so let’s talk about why it happens.

1. Think to yourself if she’s okay with commitment.

Think to yourself if she’s okay with commitment

People who have a fear of commitment may have a harder time giving up online dating because it represents easy, no-strings-attached dating.

Ask yourself, “Is she not the committed type?”—this might be what’s making her terrified to put more effort into your “situationship”.

Those commitment issues are making her less willing to act how a partner would, and that’s why she never quit online dating.

2. She’s still enjoying her single life!

Not everyone enjoys the idea of being “tied down”—as found by PewResearch, in 2019,  four-in-ten adults (ages 25-54) were unpartnered.

So, even though this girl likes you, she doesn’t want to give up her single life just yet—online/offline dating, partying, having a single person’s freedom, etc.

She’s not making things official because she likes the way things are going and wouldn’t want anything to change.

3. See if she’s addicted to online dating.

Does she check her dating profiles every day? Maybe she’s addicted to them and the way they make her feel—it’s a real thing.

Dating platforms are very easy to use as well as convenient, so they give her an intense feeling: online dating is fun, exciting, and an ego boost for sure!

This addiction is making her less inclined to stop checking her dating profiles, which brings us to our issue.

4. She’s not sure if the relationship will work—nor does she want to drop everything to find out.

Starting from myself: the scariest thing about getting into a relationship is the idea of it potentially failing.

Maybe this person is not sure how dropping everything for you will go—what if your relationship doesn’t work out?

What if she thinks she will be meeting her soulmate on dating sites? Or through text.

  • This usually happens when people go through a lot of failed relationships or other trauma (it’s also the reason why they don’t like taking the next big step without being 100% sure).

5. She’s given up on your relationship.

She has little to no faith in you two—this pushes her to attempt to find “the one” on dating sites, but also keep you as a backup.

It’s probable that she doesn’t think you’re that person for her; as for her telling you she likes you, in this case, she may have not been completely honest.

Once people get demotivated in a relationship, it will show in their actions; they stop doing the bare minimum and start looking for somebody new.

6. If you can tell her feelings aren’t too strong, don’t ignore your gut.

And this could range anywhere from no feelings, to weak ones—both of which make her not want to stop online dating.

She’s being a bit unfair by leading you on, especially since she has no intentions of getting serious and committing.

If a person wouldn’t do something as easy as delete their dating profiles for the person they claim they have feelings for, then those feelings are a farce.

7. She wants you to be unsure of her feelings.

She wants you to be unsure of her feelings

“Does she truly like me?”, “What if another man snatches her attention?”

This is a toxic technique: she wants to keep you guessing about her feelings and intentions, (and by the looks of it, she’s succeeding).

She wants to appear mysterious so that you continue chasing her and never get ahead of yourself by thinking she’s “yours”.

8. You’ve somehow made her feel jealous, so she wants to get even.

Maybe you mentioned going out with a female friend or randomly brought up another woman and triggered her.

  • She may even have intentionally mentioned her dating profiles out of spite just to make you jealous.

Once again, she doesn’t want you to get too comfortable with the idea of her being into you, so she’s showing you that she has other options.

9. Is she cheating, or does she use dating sites for other reasons?

Small as it may be, there are several people who don’t use dating sites to date people.

The girl you’re talking to is there simply to make friends and form connections—this is plausible if she’s a friendly person.

It’s also possible she’s there to help a friend out with their dating life! Or she was bored and thought it’d be interesting to visit a dating platform.

10. You’re making her believe you’re not that serious about her, so she’s not either.

Once people hint that the person they’ve been romantically involved with isn’t that into them, they may automatically give up.

If you’re acting in a way that makes her believe you’re not serious (flirting with others or going out on dates), that might explain why she’s still online dating.

Most don’t feel right putting in effort for people who don’t do the same thing!

If this is what’s happening, I recommend making things clear with her; a conversation should clear every misunderstanding.

11. She’s not rushing things with you.

She’s not rushing things with you

It sounds like this person is taking things slow with you: she’s not rushing into a relationship and acting like a partner.

And if you two aren’t technically dating yet, she may feel as if what she’s doing is acceptable.

  • She could be unsure or waiting until she feels fully comfortable with taking your relationship to the next level.

12. Figure out if her dating profile is active—it’s possibly an old one she doesn’t use. 

If she has an old dating profile that she forgot to delete; she does not use it, but for some reason can’t delete it either.

She could’ve forgotten her password or even the fact she has a dating profile—something I plead guilty to as well…

But having an old profile doesn’t automatically mean that she’s online dating, talking to people, or even thinking of doing anything.

13. She’s looking to cheat on you with other people.

Enough excuses, let’s talk about a more malicious reason: she wants the opportunity to cheat.

Online dating is one of the most convenient ways to meet people, which is exactly what the woman you’re talking to is looking for.

  • She may be seeking a polyamorous relationship, which is unfair to you if you weren’t aware.

She’s talking to other people and hoping to form emotional/sexual connections with them, so commitment to you alone is very unlikely.

14. She was doing the same thing: checking if you too were online dating.

If you logged into your dating account just to see if she was online (and you saw that she was), she may have wanted to check if YOU were online too!

What are the odds?

This person is having the same doubts as you: you think she’s not being faithful, and she thinks the same thing.

She could’ve also been doing this periodically, which might also explain why you think she’s online dating.

15. You two haven’t made your relationship official, and that’s her loophole.

You two haven’t made your relationship exclusive, and that’s her loophole

I’m not a big fan of people trying to find any way to micro-cheat on their s.o., but it’s quite common.

I’m talking about the people who come up with any reason that might even remotely justify their unfaithfulness, such as saying “We’re not that serious!”.

Here, the person you’re talking about is using the fact that you two are not official yet to continue online dating.

  • She could also be doing this unintentionally: in her opinion, you two haven’t aren’t serious, so she doesn’t know what the next step is.

It’s not like she’s going out of her way to hurt you, she’s just not familiar with your boundaries yet.

She just updated her dating profile—why is my date still on dating sites?

It depends! 

On how many dates have the two of you been? Because if it’s not too many (and if you two haven’t talked) then you’re not official yet.

If she wasn’t getting any sparks on any of those dates, this could be her way of telling you she’s not interested.

On the other hand, if you’ve made your relationship exclusive but she continues, she’s likely unserious about your relationship, or just a cheater.

How to test her if she’s serious or not?

She’s still online dating, which already indicates she’s not too serious. 

Now there’s a whole puzzle to solve: What’s the right thing to do here?

– Talk about your relationship.

Think about what your relationship truly is and how it’s affecting the situation

When we think about it, if we’re not exclusively in a relationship with someone, it’s not cheating if either party still online dates.

  • Talk about what your relationship with this person is (if she’s okay with using dating apps, she might not view the two of you as a couple).

Maybe you two only went on a couple of dates and have been talking for a few weeks—it’s too soon to treat each other as boyfriend/girlfriend.

If you talk about wanting to advance your relationship and she declines, then that means she’s not serious.

– Tell her about what you’re thinking and how her actions make you feel.

If you have developed more serious feelings for this person, it’s best to tell her beforehand (particularly if you two agreed on a casual relationship).

  • Tell her about your feelings and why her using dating sites greatly hurts you.

In my opinion, it’s more reasonable to know if you two are on the same page—again, she may not know about your boundaries.

– Casually ask her why she’s still updating her dating profile.

If you think straightforwardly asking her why she’s on dating sites is too awkward, then you can try casually bringing it up.

“I saw you on [dating site] the other day! How’s that going for you? Do you think dating sites are a good way to meet people?”

If you’re looking to get her to talk about it, why not ask her first? She might not even be looking for people to date, just ones she can befriend.

– Let her come to you for a change.

A person who’s serious about you will almost instantly notice something isn’t right and will ask you about it.

  • Pause from regularly reaching out/initiating hang-outs and make note of her response.

If she doesn’t make any attempts at conversation in the meantime, then she’s likely not thinking of your relationship as a serious one.

Focus on yourself!

At the end of the day, we can’t tell people what they can and can’t do, and we should never attempt to do so.

However, we can make important decisions based on the level of pain they’re intentionally inflicting.

If the person you’re with shows no sign of ever giving up their online dating addiction, then consider parting ways.

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