Getting cheated on by the person you love the most is a life-changing experience—it’s an utterly terrible feeling.
The memories and the bitter aftermath are all we can think about, but, what about the present?
Your gut feeling was right, and now you’re thinking, “What next?”; in this situation, you’re most likely thinking of leaving him.
And to that, I say, good riddance! As for breaking up with him, if you’re wondering how to leave him, I got just the steps you need.
1. If the wounds are still fresh, wait a bit before confronting him.
If you found out that the cheating happened recently, allow yourself some time to feel better and think rationally.
Almost nothing can be done in an overwhelmed state, and what is done might end up making you feel regretful.
Take some time for yourself to process what just happened and to get your thoughts in order—wait for yourself to feel better.
Once you’re 100% sure that you’re in the right state to take the next step in leaving your partner, you can (and should) proceed!
2. Understand that you deserve better and you will find better.
No person deserves to go through such heartbreak—they should only be treated with the utmost love, care, and respect.
And what your boyfriend did doesn’t tick any of the boxes; you deserve better and shouldn’t settle for less.
If you’re feeling the same thing I felt, the hesitation to leave out of fear that you won’t be able to love again, know that such thoughts are normal.
You might be reluctant to break up with him because you’re not sure you’ll ever find someone like him—trust me, you don’t even want somebody like him.
You deserve an emotionally mature person who would never cheat on you, and the first step to finding that person is to break up with your cheating partner.
3. Talk to the trusted people in your life about the whole situation.
They will help comfort you while also opening your eyes regarding different things.
Of course, you can choose to go through this alone, however, you’re only making it harder on yourself.
Your loved ones will be more than happy to help you get through this; a shoulder to cry on and a helping hand is what you need right now.
Talk to your friends and/or family about what happened and what you’re thinking/feeling; consider their advice and accept their love.
4. Before you leave your cheating boyfriend, you first have to decide how.
Now we’re getting to the process, and the first step is to decide the preferred method of breaking up with him.
There are actually several methods to do this—you can do it by:
- Text message;
- Calling him;
- Sending him a letter;
- Meet up with him;
- Simply leaving without saying a word.
It all comes down to what you think the best way is and feel comfortable with!
However, breaking up with someone over the phone is highly frowned upon; having a face-to-face conversation could help in getting your closure.
If, say, you dump someone with a call or text message, or even by leaving, you might end up regretting it in the future.
Meeting up in person with your boyfriend will help you better convey your feelings and have a genuine conversation.
5. If you decide to break up with him in person, tell him you want to meet up for something important.
Tell him you’d like to meet up to discuss something important—if he doesn’t know that you know, he won’t see it coming.
You can tackle this stage in 2 ways: you can
a) tell him that you know he cheated and would like to meet up to end things, or b) tell him nothing.
I would recommend the second option as some people who know they’re getting broken up with might not show up due to the shame and guilt.
Simply tell him you want to go out as usual!
6. Of course, picking the proper time and place is a crucial step.
To avoid distractions and other outside factors that may make the experience unpleasant, think about the time and place.
Ideally, you should consider picking a time when neither of you is busy and/or mentally unstable—this could potentially be the last time you two talk.
Pick a quiet, less-crowded place so that you have much-needed privacy, trust me, you don’t want people hearing your conversation.
Once the surroundings and time are appropriate, you will be able to appropriately break up with your boyfriend and not feel horrible about it.
7. For your safety, consider having a friend or family member nearby
I wish I could say that everyone who gets broken up with takes it well, but unfortunately, I can’t.
There have been cases where ex-partners have put the other person’s safety at risk, and to avoid that, I recommend having friends or family nearby so that if you call for help they’ll arrive quick enough.
This way, if they think of trying something dangerous, they’ll be stopped.
8. When having the break-up talk with him, show him all the evidence.
Tell him that you know; you’re not going out on a limb, you know he cheated and you have evidence.
As we all know, cheaters can be manipulative, and because of that, they might try to change your mind and gaslight you.
“I’ve never cheated! Why do you think that? Do you even have any evidence?”
To avoid having to waste even more time on him, gladly present him the evidence you’ve gathered—pictures, screenshots, his text messages, and more.
Keep your cool—as hard as it may be in situations like these—and show him that this situation is serious and the last straw.
9. Calmly (but firmly) speak your mind: express how his unfaithfulness has made you feel.
Perhaps the most impactful part of the break-up is what you say during the conversation.
On the one hand, you don’t want to leave anything out, but on the other one, you’re concerned about how you present yourself.
I know that the last thing you want to do right now is to remain calm and not cuss him out—but it’s for the best.
Calmly express your thoughts and feelings to your now ex-boyfriend; talk about the severity of his actions and the pain they’ve caused.
Tell him about how he’s disappointed you, and how you can no longer continue the relationship—after all, trust is what binds two people.
And for your sake, speak your mind and leave no stone unturned. After everything you’ve gone through, you deserve peace of mind.
10. Unfortunately, you’re also going to have to hear what he says.
Even though I doubt it’ll be anything useful, giving him space to talk will help you in the long run.
Let him talk and evaluate what he says—whether he acts childish and tries to lie his way out of this, or actually apologizes and is remorseful.
A lot of your questions could potentially meet their answers, and you’ll be one step closer to getting your closure.
Assess whether he’s telling the truth; if he acts childish until the very end, find comfort in the fact that you’re breaking up with an immature man.
You don’t want to live the rest of your life wondering what it is that he wanted to say at that exact moment, hence, you might want to hear him out.
11. Before you leave him, you can choose to ask for the necessary details.
I’m talking about questions that will help your healing process; you don’t need to know any unnecessary details that will haunt you.
For example, there’s no reason for you to know whether he enjoyed his time with his affair partner(s), or whether HE thought they were better than you.
Avoid asking questions having to do with the details of his affairs—instead, ask questions whose answers will make parting easier.
- “How did you allow yourself to do that?”
- “For how long has this been going on?”
- “Did you even for one second feel guilty?”
At the end of the day, though, you can ask whatever question you think will reinforce your decision of moving on!
Who knows? For some people, knowing the unsightly answers gives them the strength to leave their cheating partners for good.
12. Confidently tell him you’re ending the relationship!
It has all led to this moment—tell him that you’re breaking up with him.
Tell him that you’re serious and that due to him betraying your trust, there is no changing your mind.
Show him that you’re serious and that you wish him all the best; don’t let him sweet-talk you back into the relationship.
What he did wasn’t an “oopsy-daisy”—he hurt you greatly, and for that, he can’t possibly expect you to stay.
13. Do not sugarcoat things for him.
Think to yourself, “Why would I want to sugarcoat things for someone who knowingly hurt me?”
You caught him cheating—he went out of his way to hurt you, and for that, you don’t need to cut him any slack.
Though I advise you to be the mature one in this situation, that doesn’t mean that you need to pamper him; or say things to his face.
There’s no need for you to excuse his behavior to him, or even do damage control by making it seem as if what he did is even remotely acceptable.
Don’t let him think that, at some point, he can come into your life again and earn a second chance—make it known that over means over.
14. Know when to leave the breakup conversation.
Once you hint that the conversation isn’t going anywhere and your ex is exhibiting aggressiveness, leave.
If you know there’s no getting through to him, what’s the point in being the only one able to communicate?
You broke up with him, and if he’s refusing to understand, there’s no need for you to sit there and tolerate the disrespect!
Another very important situation that signals it’s time to leave is your ex getting abusive in any way: leave his presence if he’s not able to remain civil.
15. To truly end things with him, stop giving him “second” chances!
It stops being a “second chance” once it’s given multiple times—don’t forget this.
“Once a cheater, always a cheater”, and this is especially true if he’s already cheated on you on numerous occasions.
If a cheating partner hasn’t changed until now, what makes us believe they will in the future?
And even if it’s truly a one-time thing, the pain still remains—why should we stick around to find out if it’ll happen again?
If you know that you need to let him go, and if you know that you’re better off without him, focus on those facts.
16. If you know there’s no way you could forgive him, don’t attempt contact.
After a breakup, it’s normal to want to cave in and contact your ex—keep in mind that this feeling is normal, however, shouldn’t be acted upon.
You broke up with him for a reason, a very good reason; giving up and talking to an ex is taking a huge step back.
We must learn to get used to that feeling and normalize it to the point we no longer give it any importance.
Remember that any attempt to rekindle a relationship with a cheater is bound to fail—think of it as a movie with a spoiled ending.
“Punishing” a cheater emotionally—How do I make a cheating boyfriend feel bad?
I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: cheating is a serious issue, and it should be treated as such.
There’s a handful of people who decide to forgive and forget—then there’s the group of people who say, “Screw that! I’m getting back at my ex!”
And if that sounds like you, I have some rather interesting tips on how to emotionally punish a cheating ex!
– Calmly confront him about it, and be almost indifferent.
For the people who cheat on their s.o for the sole purpose of hurting them, nothing gets them quite as much as a partner not caring about it.
They feel as if their power has been taken away and they have no control over you!
Show no pain, no tears, and no care. Make it known that he hasn’t impacted you the way he had hoped to.
– Break up with him and don’t give him any attention, not even an ounce.
Dump him and don’t look back—let his attempts to get you to notice him go to waste.
Don’t contact him, and when he does, don’t respond; when he texts you, don’t even open his text messages.
If he musters up the courage to call you, let it ring—I’m pretty sure you get the gist of it!
When he likes or comments on your post, don’t acknowledge him one bit, and trust me, this will drive an attention-hungry cheater crazy.
– When they ask you, tell his family and friends all about what he did.
I’m sure you and your partner’s breakup will raise a couple of eyebrows from the people in his life—if so, don’t be shy to tell him about it!
Tell them how he cheated on you and any other details that he wouldn’t want people dear to him to know.
Few people take kindly to cheaters, and you showing his true colors will change quite a few opinions; he’s going to feel ashamed.
– Block him everywhere: don’t let him have any opportunities to contact you.
Blocking him isn’t a bad idea either—this way, he won’t have a lot of ways to contact you.
Block him on social media and while you’re at it, block his friends too; lose his number also.
This will show him that you don’t play games and care enough to keep him in your life.
– Look good and do good!
During this time, don’t give up on your well-being and life—the majority of cheaters thrive when they know they deeply affected a person.
Make it known that he as a person never had that much importance in your life, to begin with; seeing you do as good as ever will make him insane.
Focus on you, your life, and your success!
He won’t stop thinking about how little he must’ve meant to you since his unfaithfulness didn’t lower your spirits.
– And to rub salt in the wound, go out with the guy he’s always hated.
As you can see, we’re going all out!
Get closer to the man he’s always been jealous of—the guy he’s always suspected of wanting you.
Let him see the two of you out in public together, having fun; make him feel jealous by minimizing his importance in your life.
And what better way to do it than with his mortal enemy?
The healing journey is a long one.
Unfortunately, the hardest part of infidelity is the aftermath—healing could take time, especially if we truly loved them.
However, no matter what, his cheating is not your fault, nor is it a reflection of your worth.
During this time, allow yourself to feel; don’t be so harsh on yourself for taking your time to feel better again.
Practice self-love and self-care, change your routine, connect with the people in your life, and don’t give up!
You did what needed to be done: you weeded off somebody who didn’t contribute to your happiness.