To figure out if someone’s cheating, there is only one demand! We need to be sharp-eyed.
We need to be one step ahead of the cheater and be familiar with their shenanigans—it’s easier said than done, though.
If you (like many people) are in a pinch because of a suspicious partner, then know you’re going to need 2 things: awareness of cheating behavior, and the right methods on deck!
So let’s start off with the techniques you can use to achieve this.
Note that these methods can get underhanded, going as far as overstepping your partner’s boundaries, so take heed of what you decide.
1. Their phone holds all the evidence…check it!
Starting with toxicity right off the bat, but it’s true—if there was a place you could find evidence of cheating, that would be a cheater’s phone.
You’ll somehow need to get inside your partner’s phone, so if it’s locked, it will be problematic.
You can ask permission to use their phone or sneak a glance the next time they use their password.
Once you’re in, you must thoroughly check your partner’s phone and finish the task as quickly as possible.
- Check all social media/instant messaging apps on your partner’s phone (specifically the people and the content of the messages).
- See if there are any hidden dating apps; go to the phone’s App Library in Settings to know for sure.
- Take a quick look at the browser’s history and password management features—if your partner uses it, that info will be useful.
- Don’t forget to check the phone’s gallery as well!
- Transportation companies’ apps (e.g. Uber, Lyft) may contain proof too.
- If you can, you should also check their online transaction history—look for any suspicious purchases (hotel reservations or lingerie, for example).
Don’t let anything go unchecked: if something can be used to socialize or store info, it has the potential to be of use.
2. Retrieve your partner’s deleted messages to find out if they’re cheating.
Deleted messages double down as both prime signs that a partner is cheating and as a method to catch them.
Depending on your significant other’s OS, this is how you can view deleted messages:
- On their Samsung, go to Samsung Messages, click on the three-dot icon, and Recycle Bin.
- On their iPhone, click on the Messages app, go to Edit on the top-right, and choose Show Recently Deleted.
Cheaters delete all incriminating evidence, and their messages to affair partners are no exception—with that being said, retrieving them will show you if they’re faithful or not.
And if you see nothing there, your s.o. is either innocent or smart enough to delete the messages entirely from the system!
3. Keep track of their phone or social media activity.
Nowadays, the most common way cheaters cheat is with their phones—it’s a quick and easy fix.
Try finding out if they have dating apps, changes in their social media platforms, and continuous calls or messaging.
Try figuring if your significant other spends a lot of time on their phone (especially more than usual), so much so that they become distant from you.
Here are some red flags
- Being extremely possessive and secretive about their phone.
- Removed all evidence of your relationship on social media.
- Increased number of strange people on their social media accounts.
- Engagement with strange people through affectionate comments on the internet.
Communicating with strangers who aren’t aware that your partner’s in a relationship is the first stage of cheating—things can escalate from online dating to in-person cheating.
4. For a cheating spouse, check for receipts or a history of their transactions.
Check their bank statement—what you’re looking for is:
- Hotel chek-ins;
- Vacations you knew nothing about;
- Things that represent gifts for other people (for example, your spouse spending money on a store they aren’t normally interested in);
- Memberships for dating sites, e.g. if in their bank account you see the initials AM, your spouse could be using Ashley Madison.
There are a lot of stories about people busting cheaters due to their financial carelessness, so it will work if your partner is spending money haphazardly!
Cheaters have a habit of spoiling their lovers—unfortunately for them (and luckily for us), we can use their generosity to expose them.
5. To check if they’re cheating, make the most out of technology, e.g. spying apps and online investigation services!
Thankfully, technology has come so far now that it can help us bust cheaters—the methods vary:
- You can pick the option to install spying apps on their devices, such as mSpy, Eyezy, SpyBubble, ClevGuard, etc.
The apps themselves are invisible, but you will need to snatch your partner’s device for a little bit to install it!
- Or, you can see all of their social media accounts to find out if they have any hidden ones, or if they use dating sites—this search can be done using people-searching services like the popular SocialCatfish site.
This method will not notify your partner in any way.
Dating sites are what many people use to cheat on their SO, Tinder, and Bumble specifically.
With SwindlerBuster, you can see if your partner has a Tinder account; similarly, you can use Buzzhumble to find all Bumble profiles.
These methods are great since cheaters can’t do a lot in terms of erasing evidence from the online world—thank you, Digital Footprint!
6. Use the infamous water bottle trick (or another bait)—this way the cheater will reveal themselves.
Albeit not a noble one, trickery is another method to find out if someone’s cheating!
User Danhentschel on TikTok made a rather interesting video on testing a partner to see if they’re cheating:
He bought a random water bottle from Goodwill, put it in his partner’s car, and later went on to pretend he just discovered it. He tells his partner to get their water bottle, and based on their reaction, he can tell if they’re cheating or not.
If the partner is honest and points out that they don’t know how the bottle got there, they’re in the clear.
However, if they lie and don’t correct you, they’re a cheater.
Dan Hentschel says that for this to work, your partner needs to think that you think the water bottle is theirs; if they play along, it means that they’re afraid their lover forgot something of theirs. Here’s the whole story!
7. Or if you’re 100% positive they are cheating but have no proof, tell them that you know everything.
Again, not the most righteous solution, but cheaters don’t just confess without a little push.
If you don’t have proof of their cheating, you can try tricking them into believing that you do:
“I saw you and [person] out tonight, and honestly I’ve been suspicious of you two lately. I want you to tell me everything.”
A bit risky, a bit toxic—it’s worth the shot but keep in mind that once your partner knows what’s going on, the game is over.
However, if this trick works, your partner will feel that their only choice is owning up to their mistakes (to them you already know everything)!
8. Figure out they’re cheating by taking the behavioral, physical, and verbal cues into account!
When in doubt, refer to the signs!
When a person cheats, their body language and way of speaking significantly changes; their whole personality does, actually.
– Behavioral cues:
- A cheater gets unduly moody!
An extremely short temper is a sign of cheating—this is a result of mixed emotions cheaters tend to experience.
Watch out for constant arguing, irritability, and a snappy, unloving attitude.
- They put an end to your cute gimmicks.
Cheaters don’t feel up to the task of continuing with your cute gimmicks (e.g. if you two have a routine of always cuddling while watching movies).
Or if you always playfight, it happens because of the cheater’s guilt.
- You’re kept at a distance.
An emotional and physical distance, at that: when someone starts cheating, they push their partner away by no longer expressing their feelings and communicating.
- There is a lot of secrecy, especially about people.
If your partner stops sharing stuff with you, then notice what things they tend to hide.
If they hide their phone, necessary details about their schedule, and certain people from you, then they’re likely trying to hide an affair.
- A constant decrease in their efforts.
If your partner stops making an effort to better your relationship (e.g. communication, strengthening your bond, spending quality time together), it could mean a lot of things.
One of those “things” being infidelity—this link is made due to a cheater’s inclination to completely give up on the cheatee.
- A flaky personality out of the blue.
If your partner has just started showing signs of flakiness, consider it a bad sign!
They’re unreliable, always cancel plans, and act in a very odd, unusual way (e.g. a partner declining kisses from you although they used to love them).
- Unusual spendings.
We already talked about cheaters wanting to spoil their lovers—still, it’s worth mentioning that if your partner is spending large amounts of money on unusual things, they could be doing it for their AP’s sake.
- They claim to have a busy schedule.
Even though you pretty much have an idea of their day-to-day schedule, your s.o. still claims to be busy.
However, their claims are inconsistent—for example, they say they’re going to the store real quick but end up coming home way later.
- Sudden, new preferences.
A partner’s sudden new interest in a different style, type of music, movie genre, and even sex positions could all be influenced by a third person.
- A lying and manipulative personality.
When a person lies to their partner about certain things (such as where they were and with whom), they usually do so to conceal something.
– Physical cues:
- It’s way less or more sex.
All significant changes in your intimate life (the moves, the frequency) are potentially being influenced by your partner’s unfaithfulness.
- Your partner avoiding PDA or even indoor physical affection.
As opposed to indoor physicality (which could be the cheater feeling too guilty to initiate), a lack of PDA happens because the cheater doesn’t want to let other people know they’re in a relationship.
- Coming home late, being unreachable the whole night, and looking or behaving strangely.
If your partner comes home late one night, doesn’t contact you the whole time, and looks unruly (also smells like somebody else) then yeah, there’s a chance they just cheated.
Keep a keen eye on their clothes, fragrance, and behavior!
- They’ve suddenly taken an interest in self-care!
Think back to when you first started dating this person—you most likely went all out in terms of appearance!
It could be that they have found somebody else.
- Minimal eye contact and a sad, distant facial expression.
Cheaters prefer as little eye contact as possible because they feel as if being looked at directly will alarm their SO!
Study their facial expressions too. Cheaters have a peculiar look on their faces (cold, stern, uninterested)—when you confront them, their faces will show fear and shock (a slightly agape mouth, pursed lips, etc.).
– Verbal cues:
- A cheater may stop telling you they love you.
But be careful! This doesn’t apply to everyone: if your partner doesn’t have even an ounce of remorse, they won’t mind saying ‘I love you’.
- A cold tone.
Cheaters’s voices may or may not sound lower, almost cold (depending on the reason, this happens either because of their emotional state, lost feelings, and/or new-found feelings for their lover).
- Cursing and yelling—an aggressive way of speaking.
Since cheaters are known for being moody because of their feelings, cursing and yelling are common with them.
- They also communicate less.
Improper communication comes on top in this aspect: if your significant other no longer communicates with you, then they’re possibly cheating.
They don’t tell jokes, talk about their emotional state and experiences, ask you questions, etc.
- They’re quiet when you mention anything about cheating.
People tend to be oblivious to this! However, because humans try their hardest to avoid topics that highlight their bad traits, this could be your sign.
If your partner changes the topic, gets quiet, or is quite defensive when you bring up something about cheating, then don’t ignore it.
- A non-affectionate way of speaking, no more pet names.
To make a long story short, an unfaithful person will stop talking in a loving manner because they are aware of the damage they’re causing.
To some extent, they’re self-aware of what they’re doing, hence why they aren’t willing to pretend that everything is okay.
If you think your partner is cheating, then keep a couple of things in mind…
First of all, take a deep breath and keep reminding yourself that no matter the outcome, you’re not to blame.
After that, you want to ask yourself if your partner is giving you a reason to doubt them by, say, behaving conspicuously—this is very important.
And once everything is clear, what you do next is up to you! Do you want to take action, or observe from the shadows?
Whichever it is, good luck!